Sometimes you just want to Smash stuff, you know?

Ahhh, it's Wednesday, and you know what that means. It means i've had several bad brain days. Normally that would be perfect for intruducing the self-titled debut of Bad Brains like i planned to do several days ago, but Mrs. Bottle and i have officially been married for 20 years, i saw an entire family wearing pajamas at the gas station, some kind of predatory animal turned the chicken house into a Rob Zombie movie, and thanks to the Josinator i'm imagineering the latest addition to the Bottle of Beef roster, Gucci and the Tiddy Cats, so we're ditching the customary rum and coke and going for a glass of wine, my favorite uncomfortable office chair, and this classic compact disk playing on my computer that masquerades for a home stereo. Join me for Smash, won't you? 

19 Crimes is a gimmick created by an Australian winery. I apparently got #4, stealing semi-precious metals and selling them for quick cash. This particular bottle is named Uprising, something about citizens and military revolting against government interference with the rum trade, so they put some wine in old rum barrels for a month or something. Can i taste the smoky finish from the rum barrel aging? Nope, not at all. It tastes pretty much like any other blend of random red wines. Maybe a little more tanniny that most table wines, but wine mostly tastes like yeasty grapes no matter how snooty you want to pretend to be about it. For what it's worth, it does taste vaguely Australian to my admittedly limited palate. 

Now, as non-sequitur as we'd all like to believe listening to Offspring's most famous album is, the amount of coincidence is as ridiculous as taking your whole pajama wearing family to a gas station for lunch. 

For starters, the three albums we set out listening to were inspired by other albums. The next album was going to be Bad Religion's Generator, but that got interrupted by an Australian album. The next was Bad Brains, but 3 days of this week has be 3 too many, so Offrspring it is. But even there, Brett Gurewitz signed Offspring to Epitaph because he definitely wasn't going to not sign the soon to be obviously famous Offspring. It's ridiculous, i tell you, ridiculous. 

What's not ridiculous is this album. I am of course living like there will inevitably be a tomorrow, have a bad habit of driving defensive, and just generally trying to get along with most everyone. I don't really believe in much of anything, i probably on occasion have a bit too much self esteem, and generally of the opinion that the world is capable of listening to reason if it wants to. 

You know, Smash really is the sweet spot. Offspring's overall trajectory from a band i like very much to a band i don't like very much is par for the course, but Ignition might be a little too on the nose for a lot of people who aren't me. Ixnay and the rest are too spastic and mainstream to be really likable by anyone who is me. Smash is that perfect balance of Punk revival, generational antagonism, hyperbolic humor, and mundane relevance. It's like a completely palatable blend of whatever leftover wines you had in the vats that day. 

They did have that legal scuffle over the riff on Come Out and Play, because suing successful people for money is as good as winning the lottery when you're desperate, but if you can afford to pay for it, just pay for it and problem solved. You don't see me and GREGORY raking them over the coals for using his likeness, now do you? 

I guess the point is that sometimes you nail the concept so perfectly that no one can argue. It's a smash about smashing things. 

I don't know about you, but i certainly feel better. Granted, tomorrow's gonna happen whether we live like it or not, but i feel decidedly less like a killboy powerhead (probably the wine). Maybe we'll get back to Bad Religion and Bad Brains and Echo and the Bunnymen, but i'm not a trendy asshole so no promises. Regardless, the battles left us are far from over. It's late though, so hows about we all just agree to fight them another day? Cheers.