The Cure - Seventeen Seconds

... but seriously, we need a proper review of The Cure's Seventeen Seconds (because i've done several improper reviews elsewhere). To my mind this qualifies as a mulligan, Seventeen Seconds is the Bottle designated debut album by The Cure. I say that because Three Boys (later rearranged as Boys Don't Cry) isn't what Robert Smith wanted for their debut album and he subsequently demanded and received final say over every subsequent album. And my goodness is Seventeen Seconds fantastic.

As you might expect from the cover art, this is a lonely, dreary trudge in steel toed boots by the side of a deselate road next to a barren winter forest that can only be described as "soggy." I like to pretend we're in a car that desperately needs new wiper blades and about to unknowingly run them over. I'm of course joking, but the gallows humor seems completely appropriate. They are, after all, one of the 4 defining horsemen of the Goth Rock-pocalypse (Sioxie Soux, Joy Division, and Bauhaus being the other 3, according to wikipedia). What's Goth Rock? Well, it essentially evolved out of Post Punk to embrace abject sadness, dark romanticism, and morbidity as social critique. I think of it as a sister genre to Industrial. If Industrial is getting mangled by the pasta extruder, then Goth Rock is the completely uncelabratory wake in the abandoned factory turned blacklit dance hall afterward. What's not to love?

What's important to note here is that in spite of the heavy reverb flango-chorus melange, these are all ultra clean and jangly guitar tones with super crispy snare backbeats and delectable driving bass grooves. In short it's just super dark and haunting Alternative Rock that has more in common with a band like Modest Mouse than anything on the electronic side of the spectrum. Super catchy and strangely chromatic melodies, vocals that put a decidedly whiny edge to Punk style delivery, and an ambience so thick you could collect the soot and make shoe polish from it. It's glorious.

Some people might wonder if listening to depressing music is in fact depressing, and i say no. I find it quite cathartic. This album sounds like we're attending a seance in Miss Havisham's parlor and GREGORY has decided to entertain us on the old termite infested wreck of a piano she keeps her moss colection inside. Hauntingly autumnal.

Which brings us to the actual record. I have a brand new copy for sale, but i also have one for my personal collection. Moment of truth, is it good or garbage?

I don't have other pressings for comparison, it's completely unfair to compare records to streaming because as we should all understand the dynamic ranges of analog and digital are radically different. The general rule is that records can reproduce what out in the real world would be about 70 decibels without distortion, digital sampling around 90. For comparison, two people talking is about 60dB, while a jackhammer is around 100dB, above that lies physical pain and permenant hearing damage. Records also have a severe limitation in both high and low frequencies because they make your needle bounce around and/or cause audible static. Contrary to elitist ass-talkery, an analog source isn't any better or worse than a digital source, what matters is the actual frequency profile you feed the cutting lathe as fluctuating voltage. Mastering matters because the signal is low cut/high pass for recording, inverse low boost for playback, the RIAA standard. Diverge from that standard at your own peril because it's you against the hardware maufacturer, the mastering engineer, and the stamper forever man, and it wouldn't be luck if you could press a clean copy while you're still alive.

Anachronistically unnecessary Guns 'N Roses reference aside, my point is unless you just really love a/b-ing recordings ad nauseum let's agree to borderline this one and say any particular recording sounds A) fine, or B) terrible, and have a specific describable complaint if B, not just "dull" or "muffled," or "warm." For example, my copy of George Harrison's Wonderwall causes physical pain because the high-mid frequencies are super exxagerated, or every Rolling Stones record i've heard sounds like two alleycats trying to neuter each other with rusty razor blades. Neither of those things is the plastic disc's fault, by the way. I can clearly hear those black circles pretty faithfully reproducing the sound of nobody giving a crap. Even the worst K-tel record (is there such a thing as a good sounding K-rel record?) is usually mechanically tolerable. What we're really looking for is actual defects, skipping for no reason, lots of factory dust or excessive static when you open it, egregious EQ, volume, or distortion violations, cupping or warpage or sloppy packaging. The operative word here is "egregious," as in there is literally zero quality control happening at that pressing plant, and nobody to even adjust machine settings if someone did point out a problem. Obviously if you're expecting a normal record but it was clearly sourced from a non-dolby cassette dub from radio you should cry foul, but if it sounds at all tolerable then it's fine and you should just enjoy it for what it is: half an hour of "you time."

This pressing of Seventeen Seconds sounds fantastic. Yes, there's a bit of factory dust, some static from the glossy inner sleeve (we'll find out if i can actually get the record back in later), and the spindle hole is a little tight, but no it sounds completely lovely. The bass and kicks sound gorgeous, the snares aren't nearly as caustic and sandpapery as various streaming encodings (because you gotta fairly drastically roll of top end), but aside from needing a good anti-static brushing it sounds lovely.

A lot of people ask if Robert's vocals are supposed to be that far back in the mix, and since he's the one who personally produced it this way, i'm gonna go with yes.

Seriously, this is lovely. I don't feel the least bit guilty for charging the full 35.98 retail price (just doubling what i paid for it). It's The Cure, this album is fantastic, and this pressing sounds lovely.

Which reminds me, yes i both totally have a copy i'll sell you and i can order more if you're patient enough to wait 9 to 10 days for delivery. Leave a comment or send an email to bottleofbeefmusic@gmail.com. Eventually i'll start listing stuff on my discogs seller page, but for now it's strictly word of mouth among friends.

And great news! Rolls right back into its sleeve without any bother at all. Wish it hadn't been so tough to get out the first time, but i've definitely paid more for much worse in the sleeve department.