Finger eleven - The Greyest of Blue Skies

Every band that has ever existed has one good song. I genuinely believe that statement, and tonight's band is one of my personal least liked bands of all time. I hate them. Every radio single was worse than the one before it, and i wish they did not exist, especially the one that is permanently lodged in my brain, ready to devour my sanity in moments of critical stress.

Just like last night's album, i loved the soundtrack song so much i went and bought the real album. The song is "Suffocate," the soundtrack is Scream 3, the band is finger eleven. Unlike Machines of Loving Grace, i detest finger eleven and it's surprising that i still even possess their second album, The Greyest of Blue Skies. I literally haven't heard this album in 20 years, but i remember being really unhappy for listening to it. I'm going to listen to it with an open mind though because i only remember track 7, everything else is practically my first hearing. Keep in mind though, "Suffocate" is a borderline industrial track that i do very much adore, so that's what i'm expecting to hear more of...

Musically it starts out great, but then the vocals ruin it. "First Time" could legitimately be a Tonic song. It's strange for me, but not too bad. Except for the breathy voice 3 minutes in. Don't do that, it sucks.

Tracks 2 and 3 suck. I don't have any words to add, "riding my carousel" is the stupidest chorus i've ever heard. BS&T wrote the only tolerable carousel song, and that's because they didn't say the word "carousel."

I know what is agitating me. They're trying to be Mr. Bungle, but writing pop songs. You can't copy Mike Patton's middle finger project. Fail.

It's like every part belongs to a different arrangement, and they just layered them without any sense of continuity or consistency. Who produced this trashcan collage? Arnold Lanni? Never heard of him. Oooooh, he produced the first 4 Our Lady Peace albums. They suck and i don't feel bad for saying it. At least he consistently produces garbage.

Finally, the song i like. I'm not kidding, this is the first song that sounds complete. The 6 previous songs all sound like they are missing parts or pieced together from the better parts of worse songs.

Uuughhh. Bones+Joints sounds like audio diarrhea. If i had synesthesia this whole album would be puce (which is "the color of bloodstains on linen or bedsheets, even after being laundered, from a flea's droppings, or after a flea has been crushed"). Falsetto? The end vocals remind me too much of Puddle of Mud, who i also hate.

God that bass sound is seriously terrible. It's not so bad in the full sonic wall, but by itself it's just gross.

I really don't want the whole review to be poop jokes, but it's the only analogy that encapsulates the actual experience: this album takes a dump in my brain.

Ugh, again. "Try walking in my shoes"? That's classic narcissistic douchbaggery. *I'm better than you 'cause i've really suffered.* Eat rat poison.

I didn't think it was possible, but i actually hate this album more now than i did the first time i hated it.

My friend Stephen Hughes ejected and threw his copy of Radiohead's Kid A out the window of the car we were driving before it even finished because he hated it so much, then felt guilty and bought it again the next day to give it a second chance. I could never do that, but it'll be at least 20 more years before i give this god awful raccoon food a third listen. I might even put a sticky note on it that says "Caution: this album is legitimately so bad that it will actually make you appreciate the talent of Ten Tears After," just in case anyone who isn't me decides to peruse my collection. I still like "Suffocate," but the other 10 songs are just awful.

By all means go give this a listen for yourself, but don't say i didn't warn you.

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