Color Me Barbra
That's a really complicated joke, because you have to know that the title itself was a reference to the fact that this was Barbra Streisand's first TV special IN COLOR, at a time when color television was still considered a novelty. You also have to know that i'm using both definitions of the word "novelty," and that you can play around with assigning each to both. It's 4 jokes for the price of one, and i'm practically givin'em away (which is itself a TV advertisement style commercialism trope).
This album is hands down fantastic. The real question is how could you possibly not like it even just the tiniest bit?
But it's showtunes! Yeah, the best songs from plays with songs in them.
But it's silly! Yeah, who in their right mind would want to sit in a crowded theater on a Friday night and not have a good time?
But it's Barbra Streisand! Yeah, she's l33t.
Look, Babs is a Broadway superstar because she's incredible. You can hate Broadway musicals as much as you want, but it's an art form. You have to work within that context.
If i were gonna pick some songs to sing from some musicals on this brand new thing called color television that only rich people can afford to buy to amuse themselves, i'd probably pick ones that are exciting, ones i'm really good at singing, ones that the people who pay me money tell me are spectacular.
Pretend i'm the opposite of me, an uneducated, drywall punching, sexist, racist, homophobe who thinks about nothing but how i can exploit someone else's talent and personal drive for profit. Oh wait, this is the early 60s and those are the rich people handing Barbra Streisand their pocket change 'cause she's awesome and people will give us lots of money for just letting her sing some songs from musicals in front of a couple cameras.
My point is, you can't logic your way out of Barbra Streisand being awesome at being Barbra Streisand. You'd just have to use all your time and energy trying to ignore her existence, but then everyone would say "you seriously don't know Barbra Streisand? She's amazing," and we're right back where we started.
I mean, you could not be in the mood to listen to her, or have an inner ear problem that makes certain notes give you a headache, or you could feel like she can't quite hang on to the French accent for certain words, but those are all your own personal problems, nothing to do with her. She's up there differentiating vowel sounds depending on the lyrical context, using different timbres to convey shifts in character emotion, deciding whether or not to be dead on pitch or glide into a note for emphasis. If you're hung up on how dumb a song about animal crackers is, then you aren't really taking any of this serious, now are you?
Bernadette Peters is the Queen of Broadway.
I disagree. She's very good, but Barbra Streisand is the Queen of Broadway.
Barbra Streisand sucks.
YOU SUCK!!
For the record, i really do like Barbra Streisand. She's objectively awesome.
And then you're like "aha! I see what you did there. Barbra Streisand and Adam Sandler are both Jewish celebrities."
No no no. The structure of the review itself led me to that specific lunchroom dialogue because we're acting like 12 year olds, remember. All the things that match up because of that are coincidences. Acting like an adult means trying really hard not to screw up other people's lives, keeping everything going as smoothly as possible, being cautious and polite and patient. San Dimas High School Football rules!
For that one, i took "12 year old" and "O'Doyle rules," changed "year old" to "-th grade," and filtered them through my time traveller trope to get Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Coincidentally, also about school. And that's how Dennis Miller's tangential comedy style worked. I didn't count or anything, but that Dennis Miller reference was from like 200 essays ago.
And my whole point to begin with was that my brain runs laps around the playground because it's a spastic hyperactive child, but i try really hard to not act like that in real life (i save it for these things that i hope you find amusing).
And now that you're completely lost in my ADD thought stream, i'll tell you the real secret that ties this whole thing together. I've literally spent all day concocting this essay in the attempt to emulate her humorous version of the Minute Waltz.
You try to perform that thing in front of a live studio audience for national television broadcast, and then tell me Barbra Streisand sucks.
Have a great weekend, everybody (i say as i wave like Forrest Gump).
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