How i learned to stop caring and avoided the thing

I had one goal in mind tonight, avoid the first presidential debate. I had to leave the basement of doom twice, but 99% of my nose hairs are unsigned. Here's what i did instead.

I think i know my geography pretty damned well. I also have Modest Mouse's first album on vinyl, recorded by Seasick Steve a year before Ok Computer. It's called This Is A Long Drive For Someone With Nothing To Think About.

I've talked about a fair amount of indie rock, and i talked about their masterpiece We Were Dead..., but this first album is just gloriously disheveled pathos.

Plus, the entire enterprise of the band literally comes from Isaac Brock's bedroom. I'm not entirely sure he's ever even been in an actual office building before, or that anyone would let him. 

If you're one of those people who only knows their bizarre moment of fame with Float On, then you might not be prepared for how truly awesome they are. Obviously, if singing in tune or playing in tempo is at the top of your list of musical requirements, you won't enjoy this at all. It's not even a metaphor, it really is about how boring and lonely it is to live out in the country and have to drive long distances to find other humans. I totally disagree, but then i chose to live like this. Isaac was just born out in a field and moved to Portland as soon as possible. 

Modest Mouse isn't one of those bands you can coerce people into liking, they very definitely live on the side of the tracks that most people think sucks. I, however, adore them, and have also been known to talk shit about a pretty sunset.

Next on the list of "i'll listen to anything except presidential candidates," we jump ten years to The Bottle Rockets' 2006 album Zoysia. My heart's a little bit broken, i'm a middle man, there's only so much i can take too. 

I didn't know this until today, but "careerist" is a really prevalent insult in the rock criticism world. That was the exact pejorative everyone in Seattle leveled against Pearl Jam, and a quick rundown of The Bottle Rockets produced it again. Pfffft. These posers are trying to make a career out of it. Damn right. They're great.

They've been called a lot of things like alternative country, or roots rock, but this album sounds like if southern rock had a garage scene. It's crunchy, it's midwestern, it's thoroughly enjoyable. It's like if Drive By Truckers and Tom Petty played a couple songs together. 

I can't neglect to mention the song Blind. This is great, and i never would have found it on my own, so everybody go check it out and say thanks to Kris Karr for suggesting them.

UUUUUUGGGGHHHH. I made the mistake of surfacing for more pirate juice and heard Trump say "let me tell you about the stock market." Time to start hitting the hard stuff. Here's Accept's rather famous album Balls to the Wall. 

Udo Dirkschneider could have and would have gladly joined AC/DC, who incidentally sent them some of Bon Scott's demos after he died and said "we aren't going to use them, but feel free if you like it." Instead he did a Syd Barrett. Seriously, Udo was fired from Accept, decided to go solo, and the guys and lady manager/songwriter from Accept happily wrote his first solo album for him. You can't make this stuff up.

What you can do is write kick ass metal about real people being oppressed and marginalized for their race, sexuality, hobbies, etc.

Liberal German Metal sung in English at its finest. Awesome.

I'm gonna have to brave the overworld again, because every album deserves a freshly poured beverage to sip, but I think you'll be really happy with our next one. 

Jean-Luc Ponty finally cracked the mainstream with Enigmatic Ocean, and people were all like "whaaaaa?! you can't play jazz on an electric violin." You're old pal Bottle's like "pfffffffffft! Stephan Gappelli, Regina Carter, Boyd Tinsley, Leroy Freakin' Jenkins! plus like a thousand other people from all across the spectrum. Jazz violin is everywhere, you're just a loser with no culture and an airplane window's view of the universe.

Sorry, that was mean. Jean-Luc Ponty is probably the most "electronic music" of the bunch, and it's not at all hard to hear what made everyone latch on to this album in 1977. It's damned near prog-rock, so close you can legitimately forget it's a jazz album at some point in every single track. It can be hard to recognize the effects heavy violin next to the equally soggy synths and guitars, but that's kind of the point. Go ahead and start without me, I've heard this album a time or two, and i need to freshen up....

I just heard James Carville say "i'm getting paid, and that was a struggle to watch," so if you did watch it, i expect you were either upset or you don't understand how bad this is, and that's the perfect reason to revisit my night of great music. 

Instead of whatever you heard, i listened to albums by Modest Mouse, The Bottle Rockets, Accept, and Jean-Luc Ponty. 

Who won?