Bottle's Punishment

Oh, looks like they're waking up. How bad do you think they'll retaliate, C-ment mixer? 

In Scoville units? Probably somewhere between Ghost Pepper and Carolina Reaper. 

So they're packin' heat, but just shy of pepper spray? Alright, i can probably survive. Wakey, wakey, rise and shine, bring me all the pain that's mine. 

Huh? I had the weirdest dream. 

Me too. 

I'll bet. Why don't you two go for a walk, and when you remember what it was i did you can think up some suitable punishment. Off you go. Trash can on the left, Skip. 

Barf! 

There you go. Feel better? See you crazy kids later. 

What's the chances they'll goof and actually pick something enjoyable, C-wolf? 

Did you leave any secretly good stuff in that pile you passed over the first time? 

Maybe one or two, but definitely not 20. 

Well then, prepare for Sandra's iron heel. 

You been sifting through Jack London novels or something? I guess we'll just prepare for the call of the wild... 

... alright, here i am. Rock me like a hurricane, or thundersnow me, or whatever. 

We picked two albums. We aren't going to tell you who picked which one, and we aren't going to tell you what they are. Listen to both with your eyes closed and we'll deal with Mr. Bungle's damage ourselves. 

Oh, execution style. Lovely. Ok, i'm ready. 

Oh god no, not the comedown after Rocky Mountain High. What a miserable album this is. Farewell Andromeda, i'll just walk out into the wilderness and revel in my own misery, 'cause yep i suck and i'm not gonna make any effort to change that. 

I'm not saying you're wrong for not wanting to be in a monogamous relationship, i'm asking why did you commit to one in the first place, you two faced jackass. Please don't get drunk and ruin Christmas, dad. Again, not saying your wrong for feeling that way, and not defending your dad's actions, but clearly he has a problem and the alcohol abuse is an additional layer of terrible on top of it. What's the backstory? It's pretty tough hiding out in these Canadian mountains. When i talk about running off into the woods and eating raw squirrels it's a joke, but you sound like you're serious. 

I want to be independent as much as anyone, but that's because i want to make things happen, not just sell people a bottle of sugar water to make them grind a little harder. When it's every man for himself, we all fall further and further behind. 

I love John Denver in small doses, but not this album. His character has exactly the same problem as Richard Carpenter. People thought he bathed in Windex for that squeeky, streak free shine, so they kind of glossed over all those moments of grit and gravel in your teeth. But, while Richard was funny, Bob (my mistake, John, i'd just rather listen to the Gilligan's Island theme than this album) is straight up D for depressing. The problem is that he and i are polar opposites. He's a ray of sunshine looking down, i'm a number 2 cynic demanding to break even (i have a complicated disdain for unearned pleasure, and a nasty intolerance for anyone who ignores how much actual work everything takes). He gave up the rocket ship flight so he didn't have to make an effort. I gave up the rocket ship flight 'cause i neither want rockets strapped to my back, nor to strap rockets to yours. Now, you could twist that around and say "that's what i'm trying to do too," except it doesn't work that way with money. You don't get to decide what i can or can't do AND whether or not i can pay for it. Is Farewell Andromeda a good album? Yes. Do i want to live in a world like that? Hell to the no. 

I'm sure i was just like him in one of my previous lives, but my time in the Trump-dumpster set me patiently waiting for the not at all surprising plane crash. That was probably uncouth. Sorry, i just can't understand why people list all the things they wish could be different, then elect people who intend to keep it that way forever. It's madness. 

Uh, Bottle. You do know we have a new president as of today, right? 

Really? 

Yeah. And a female vice president who understands the conflict between large corporations and workers. I wish those roles were reversed, but it is a step in an actual direction. 

Seriously? 

Yeah. 

So i don't have to worry about what they're doing because at the very least they will be trying to make decisions that actually produce the results they say they are aiming toward? 

Yeah. 

That's great! What's the catch? 

You still have to listen to the next record. 

Aww. That sounds like it will not be great. Alright, i'm a man of my word. Fire when ready. I'll write about it if i survive...

Eww. Sappy showtune country. Alright, it is what it is. We let all that go and just take it at face value. He sounds really familiar, but we all know i don't enjoy this, so there's no reason i should be able to pinpoint it. Not obscure though, he's obviously pretty famous, i just can't name him or picture anything other than a sequin vest and cowboy boots. It just sounds like a slow Thursday night in Branson so they let an up and coming country leaning rock band give it a whirl.

Schlocky as it is, though, i can't help but kinda respect it. This is like a complete 180 from John Denver. He's talking about how love excites him, even if it doesn't work out. It takes for granted that things aren't all rosy, but that connecting with other people is what makes life special. He doesn't want to run off, he wants to get back home to the love and happiness of a house that stays in the same place for more than a day at a time. It's corny, but sincere, like he wasn't searching out this ramblin' gamblin' life, it's just a fact he has to slog through to get to the good parts. That's way more my style. Not musically, i never want to hear this again, but not because i disagree with it. 

Alright i give, who is this? 

Really? Mr. Chicken Roaster himself, huh? This is like early Kenny Rogers, right CB Radio?

5th album in 3 years from 1970, B-man.

Ok, yeah i can see that. He did emigrate to the infinite last year. Not my thing, but i definitely couldn't call him terrible.

You know what you two did, right? You made a lovely little sideways figure 8, here. We had an album i hate by a musician i like, followed by music i hate from a world view i appreciate, a guy i can instantly recognize but disagree with followed by music i disagree with from a guy i don't have much negative to say about. At least it all drowned out the loop of Go Diego Go my brain's been singing all day. I don't feel too bad at all. We might get through this yet. Thanks guys.