Dethklok - The Dethalbum

So you know how two days ago we did Kill 'Em All and i brought back the "where's my apocalypse" joke? Well, here's the text I sent Mrs. Bottle today: 

They palletized, banded, corner protected, and shrink wrapped a 1lb box with 3 check valves that were backordered from a stock order we haven't actually received yet, and sent it to us on a semi. I give up. I just give up. 

Bloodrocute me. I'd rather be murmaidered. I would seriously prefer devolving back into sea creatures than deal with this for the rest of eternity. Forget pumping gas into trash bags, we're like Vikings who forgot our map, started to lose hope that we'd ever find the war we were heading out to fight, but are still too proud to take the map and directions that nice witch in the woods offered to give us. 

Dethklok it is. The first Dethalbum. This first album is just Brendan Small, Gene Hoglan, and Emilie Autumn. 

Before Metalocalypse, Brenden Small created the cartoon Home Movies (one of my personal favorites). I mentioned Gene Hoglan when i talked about Katon de Pena, but he was in Devin Townsend's Strapping Young Lad, and is like the go to death metal session drummer. Emilie Autumn is part of the Dark Cabaret scene. Maybe we should do like a genre-mentary some time. That could be fun. 

Anywho, this is a pretty stellar album. I suppose it is Symphonic Death Metal, but it's all Metal to me. Oddly, everyone's gonna knock off a star because it's parody, but are you really gonna stand there and tell me King Diamond or Dimmu Borgir don't recognize the humor element in what they do? Go watch an interview or 20 with George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher and tell me he isn't like the nicest dude on the planet. He was totally thrilled when Blizzard secretly made him a WoW character. 

Now as far as the long and presigious history of cartoon bands goes, we'll have to refer to Bottle's Taxonomy. First you got your lower tier bands like The Archies, Josie and the Pussycats, Fat Albert's Junkyard Band, and Homer's Sadgasm and Be Sharps. They aren't low because they're bad, it's just that everybody knows them and you aren't pumping their jams at the pool party, now are you? 

Next you got your weeknight headliners. Maybe obscure by mainstream standards, but who's gonna argue that Mystic Spiral from Daria, Doug's The Beets, and Love Händel aren't awesome. Before we get to the cream of the crop though, we have to call it like it is: Del The Funkee Homosapien didn't even want to do The Gorillaz, it's just that he was in the studio anyway and the previous rappers who tried did a crappy job. Regardless, we've reached the top tier and there's only room for two. Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld are arguably the better band, but who do you call if they're busy that night? Dethklok, of course. Hard to say which one is actually more brutal, but i seem to recall starting this review with an example of why we're scraping the bottom of the intelligence barrell, so go ahead and open up your briefcase of guts, build a better metal snake, face fist me, and strap me into the hatredcopter. Tomorrow better be Friday like the calendar promised, is all i'm saying....