Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik

Compy: bottlebottlebottle did you hear?! Dave 1 fired Dave 2.

Bottle: so? Don't care.

Compy: but he did a scandalous, naughty thing.

Bottle: like everbody else, all the time, everywhere? I'm still sore in delicate places over a book cover, but you don't hear me whining. Did somebody file sexual harassment or assault charges? No? Don't care.

Compy: but...

Bottle: look, you got 3 possible scenarios.

1) Dave 1 said "i'm morally appalled and i don't want you around me anymore.

2) Dave 1 thought "which will be worse for the next few years, with or without Dave 2? With. Sorry, Dave, you're fired."

Or 3) Dave 1 said "that's the last straw, Dave 2. I can't freakin' take it anymore. Get the hell out of here."

Either way, my Megadeth ended with Hidden Treasures. This is between Dave and Dave, no lawsuits or criminal investigations, Bottle doesn't care. I've got a better story for tonight's album anyway...

Important distinction: sex is not in and of itself offensive, but it is also not a topic for polite conversation. Just like the acts themselves, all parties involved have to explicitly consent to talking about it. 600 something albums in, i think we can all agree that an album doesn't constitute polite conversation. I personally don't need Tipper to warn me, but you might. I warned all of you whenever i thought it prudent, didn't i? 

Now, I could write thousands of different reviews for BSSM, but Dave Ellefson is the subject of today's scuttlebutt, and i know the only story that ever could possibly matter about Red Hot Chili Peppers' blockbuster Blood Sugar Sex Magik. Flea only plays bass like Flea on 1 or 2 tracks because of Kim Gordon. It's still funk obviously, but this is a straight to the point album, it's not a joke or gimmick. Yeah, his actual explanation is that he read an interview with Kim Gordon where she said she loved funk and slap bass, but she hated the way white guys had turned it into a macho frat-boy kind of thing. Flea read that and thought "oh shit, that's mostly my fault! I hope Kim hears this album as an apology, 'cause she's awesome." You know why i believe that? 'Cause Kim Gordon is awesome. She explained Thurston Moore cheating on and divorcing her by saying she still loves him very much, but he never grew out of being a chasing butterflies kind of man-child, so it's hard for her to actually be angry at him. Plus, you guys in the rest of the mainstream world are a little bit excused from understanding and appreciating just exactly how important and influential Sonic Youth actually really were. New York City, 1981. Thurston actually renamed a song to personally insult Christgau, and Kim was mad that he wouldn't give any positive support for the actual local music scene around the Village Voice office. They ended up being so popular in Europe that they didn't even need press reviews to get gigs anymore, so they just flipped him off whenever they crossed paths. 

I bet you never thought an RHCP review would turn out to be about how much respect they had for Sonic Youth, huh? When it comes to Alternative anything, it's not the explosion of grungy depression-rock that started the whole thing, it's those crazy avant noise rock kids using weird tunings and screwdrivers in the 80s that paved the way. Kim Gordon expanded Flea's arsenal of bass technique by just being her outspoken self, and Nirvana was not at all secretly Sonic Youth's little brother. Nice. 

I guess there's also the Rick Rubin haunted mansion recording session thing, but that's much less interesting. 

Ok, it's actually super interesting. They had one more album after Mother's Milk, and decided they would go with Sony if Sony agreed to buy out their contract. That turned into a second bidding war that lasted for months. In the end Sony won, but Mo Austin from Warner Bothers called Anthony personally to say congratulations on signing with Sony, go make the amazing album we all know you're going to make. That was it, they were floored and politely asked if they could change their mind.  A day or so later they were signed to Warner and this album is incredible. 

At the end of the day, this is a "maturing album." Working with a producer they actually trust (even if the specific songs that result aren't their favorite), Sinead O'connor and Nina Hagen are in Anthony's mind, Flea's thinking of what Kim said, Frusciante is trying to complement and affect the tone of the lyrical content. They're still unapoligetically Red Hot Chili Peppers, but they're doing a damned good job. This really is one of the best all-around albums of all time.

Really, the only downside is it's 74 minutes long. All of those minutes are good, but it's longer than the combined Mezmerize/Hypnotize. I'm not saying it's too much or that there's any actual filler, but 17 tracks is ridiculous.