Adventure Time with Skip - Prelude and Intro, Parts 1-4

Prelude

B: alright, Skipatron, what do we do?

E: about what?

B: well, i mean we both have reached our limit in terms of resources. I'm a bit tapped out on the record collection side of things, and i suspect you aren't totally thrilled to transition to the position of Transcriptionist of Doom.

E: yeah, i was fine with the copy/paste/format game, but this retyping business is for the birds now that both you and Bridbrad are flinging words like flapjacks. Plus i liked album reviews better than politico-economics.

B: me too. I can add new laptop to the budget queue, but it'll be a while. Any objections to letting GREGORY use all the brain power for a while? Who knows, the aroma might even coax p(nmi)t out of hiding.

E: no objections, i suppose. Are you still going to keep writing about whatever?

B: oh, yeah, absolutely. I couldn't shut up now if i tried. We'll just plan to hit it hard when the process is a little more convenient for both of us.

E: deal. I think i might even venture into B-space for a little adventure of my own. 

B: great idea! Hopefully not quite as exciting as Glady's Great Pinochle Debacle of 2020. Still, don't forget to bring a helmet. You might not need it, but then again you might not NOT need it either. Bon voyage, vaya con carne, no one ever said you won't get brownie points for bringing back souvenirs.

E: you'll be alright?

B: thank you for your concern. Yes. I secretly had the Comptroller code me up a cuss word cipher. It'll eventually break and we'll all blush for a day or two, but that's in the actual future, so easy peasy...

...alright Long and Lean, dirge me up some keyboard creations! The weirder the better!

Part 1

S: Bottle? Where's Skip? I was going to have him help storyboard a graphic novel i've been imagining.

C: it's no use, Mz. D. He's doing the thing. 

S: what thing?

C: you know, the thing. Rematrixing the program, synchronizing all the garage doors, greasing the weed eater.

S: that last one sounded dirty.

C: apologies, i just meant he's on lockdown for a bit, until he gets all the gears back in sync. Soon as the mumbling starts we'll be in the home stretch.

B: ...rat bastard blobs... grapecicles... frozenorangejuice... snap... circlesincircles... snapsnapsnapsnap... concentratewhoompsnap... thereitis... the nerve... alright... 4 should do it...

C: right on cue, he'll be back in a minute or so. Go easy on the non-intuitive questions, though, it's delicate when he snaps out of it.

S: snaps out of what?

C: the real.

S: the real? I always thought that was just a Bottlism. Like he didn't have the proper words to explain it.

C: oh. I didn't know you didn't know. He never told me i couldn't tell you, so i guess i can tell you. He decided to stop hitting the pause button while he lives it. No more blackouts down here. Said we'd earned it 3 or 4 times over, so he gave us free run of the place.

S: i'm not sure i follow.

C: he's not imagineering us anymore. We have free run of the place. He's still Bottle, obviously, but he taught us everything he knows. 

B: sorry to interrupt, but you got that look like Compy told you all of it so i don't have to, so on we go. Chutes and ladders [snap] fire away.

S: i don't know what to say.

B: yeah, free will will do that to you. No worries, i'll start. How awesome is it that that racist POS producer for Jeopardy got shit-canned for burying LeVar Burton's hosting stint during the Olympics and publishing his podcast for everyone to hear? And all the stuff they didn't tell us. 

C: wowzers. I remember reading something about it, but i didn't think it was relevant.

B: everything is relevant, C-er of Visions. Not necessarily useful, but definitely relevant. Now, i gots the psychics, and i'm guessing you're wondering where Skip is.

S: yes, where is he?

B: Adventure Time. At least i hope so. It would be a total shame if he didn't come back with some kind of weird collection of stuff. Practically impossible, i'd say. Actually inconceivable. Yep, i'm certain, we just have to wait until he stumbles back with an exciting story to tell. I'd say watch out for the right hook, but the rolling blackouts are a thing of the past. Chase a butterfly, be bored, eventually we'll hear a dazzling story of Skip's adventures in B-Space land. I'm certainly looking forward to it.

To be continued....

Part 2 

Hi everyone, Bridbrad here. I know we're all a little confused by recent events, not sure which ocean we're sailing at the moment, it's not every day the warden opens all the cells and lets the prisoners call his bluff, now is it? Don't worry, we're all as surprised as you are, but i think we can all agree that it usually ends up being mildly entertaining. So, on with part 2 of this mysteriously unfolding saga. Catch you on the flip side. 

Skip was lost. Not the kind of lost where you know you're heading in roughly the correct direction, or even the kind of lost where you know the highway is 3 or 4 blocks west and you just have to find a one way pointed the right way, the kind of lost where a fog as dense as gespacho descends upon the land and you suddenly find yourself at a T-intersection with no idea which direction is which. Skip had been here twice before. First he tried to head east, but ended up right back here. He knew it was the same here because there was a tiny bus stop to the right with a sign that read BLUNDSRSNATCH #3. 

So, he tried to go west, but damned if he didn't find himself right back here at BLUNDSRSNATCH #3. 

I bet you're thinking "oh that crazy Bottle and his mind games, that's probably the name of the company that builds these tiny bus stops, or there's some subtle difference in font, or you add the number of times you think you've been here to know the real number. Nope, there's only 1 rule of bus stops here in B-Space, and that rule is be accurate or cease to exist. This is the only BLUNDERSNATCH #3 there ever will be. Skip has no idea that free will has kicked in, let's see where he goes. 

Well, would you look at that! He's just shook his head and walked over to sit on the bench and wait. Wow, look, some minions are headed there too. This could get interesting. 

MEEP. 

S: oh, hello there. I think there's some kind of joke about the "Mister" thing, but i've had a long week. Please, call me Skip. 

Meep, meep. 

Yes, i suppose i am The Editor. I didn't realize i was that well known. 

Meep? 

Yes, i suppose there's no other word for it, i am quite lost. 

Meep meep meep. 

That seemed like the only logical conclusion. I went right and found myself back here. I went left, and here i was again. If it looks like a bus stop, and smells like a bus stop, i assume a bus will show up eventually. Otherwise, what's the point? 

Meep. 

I don't know. To tell the truth, this is the first time i've ever ventured out of the Bunker. I should be terrified. 

Meep. MeepmeepmeepmeepMEEP! 

Slow down, slow down, my Meepanese is still a work in progress. You said "shop for the things, the bright shiny things" but then i lost you. 

Meep meep. 

Holes in the sky? 

Meep meep. 

Broken buckets? 

Meep meep. 

How dark is black? Oh! Records. Go record shopping? Oh, you're inviting me to shop for records with you? Well, sure. Why not? Thank you, i'd love to. Will the bus be here...

Yes, apparently, this place is totally weird. Logical, but weird. 

And so, Skip and his new friend boarded the bus with an untranslatable MEEP on its electronic billboard. Apologies, i need to run out and check the mail, but i'll write part 3 when i get back. Toodles.... 

To be continued again....

Part 3 

As Skip and the minion boarded the bus, it occurred to our hapless protagonist that he had never actually seen a minion, nor ever cracked open a Meepanese textbook. 

E: Please excuse me for asking, but are you real or imaginary? 

Meep. 

E: nope, as soon as i asked it i knew better. Imagining you're real. I feel rather daft. 

Meep meep. 

E: you're too kind. Now i suppose we'll all learn the non-intuitive solution to my little infinite loop problem as the driver floors it.... ah, yes, there it is, when you come to a fork in the road you say "fork it" and keep going straight ahead. I knew i should have seen that coming. My what a beautiful city you have here. I had no idea. 

MEEEEEEEEP!!! 

My goodness, those are some healthy lungs you have. 

I suppose i should point out that Skip, for all his grandmotherly surprise, has clearly not yet become self aware. I'll be as surprised as you when and if that moment occurs. Regardless, you might be wondering why the minion screamed a moment ago. This bus does in fact have the customary pull wire for signaling the driver to stop, but minions in general are not quite as tall as necessary to in fact pull them. Some carry step stools, some just scream "i can't take it anymore!" Meepanese is a difficult language to translate, it requires a bit of a morbid outlook on life, coupled with a loose approach to synonymous idioms. That is why Bottle and Myself often choose to just let the meeps fall where they may. 

Having exited the bus, Skip stood in awe of his surroundings. A strange pulsation seemed to be occurring, his surroundings seemed to grow and shrink as though the world were breathing. He began to grow dizzy, but before he could get a grasp on the experience, the minion grabbed him by the hand and whisked him away down the sidewalk like they had just picked the pocket of a policeman. Eventually they stopped in front of a dimly lit storefront, and the minion let go to open the door and invite him to enter. 

Skip found himself in a seemingly endless corridor lined with an equally incomprehensible array of doodads and googaws. "Lead on, friend," he said. Twists and turns, half stairs and ramps, a labyrinth of garbage towering all around like the apartment of a prolific hoarder. Eventually they arrived in a surprisingly open and airy room. That air smelled faintly of mildew and moth balls, but nevertheless it was air. Rows and rows of records stretched off to the visible horizon. "How big is this room?" 

Meep. 

Infinite, of course i knew that. Where do you even start? How do you find what you're looking for? 

Meep meep meep. 

What do you mean you don't? 

The minion shrugged and pointed to a giant yellow sign on the wall. Amazingly, Skip understood it immediately: 

BROWSING ONLY. FINDERS KEEPERS. DO NOT CLOG THE AISLE. 

As Skip looked around he noticed half a dozen minions flipping through a stack, occasionally keeping one, then wandering to another aisle and doing the same. No rhyme or reason, no obvious organization, just flip through a stack pulling out likely purchases and moving to another. 

"Welp, when in Rome, i suppose." 

Time elapsed, somehow Skip found himself walking out of the store with a fistful of records. "That was fun, i can't wait to show Bottle." 

Meep. 

But i'm not wearing ruby red heels. Will it work with my boring old sneakers? Oh, ok. Three times, you said? Yes, i think i can manage to count to 3. Well, thank you for your hospitality, i had as lovely time, but i really should be getting back. I certainly won't forget it. Cheers. 

And just like Dorothy, Skip found himself opening his eyes with Bottle, Compy, Sandra, and GREGORY staring down at him. 

B: How you feeling, buddy? 

E: I had the strangest dream, but i expect it wasn't as dream at all. 

B: right-o. Did you have fun? 

E: yes, actually. I got a little lost after making a wrong turn at Albuquerque, but a very nice minion showed me around his city. 

C: you saw Minion City? Even i haven't actually found it yet! 

E: i did. Here Bottle, i brought you a present. 

B: thanks, man! I'll be sure to include lots of typos for you to fix when i revue them. A promise is a promise, 12 points on your brownie calendar. Go holler up to Gladys if you're ready to cash 'em in. Word of warning though, if she asks you what kind don't say "the edible kind." You think you're joking sarcastically, she thinks you mean it and you'll be back on the floor giggling before you know it. Now, what in the world does a batch of records from Skip's trip to Minion City look like? 

To be continued yet a third time....

Part 4 

B: What in the wide world of wackrobatics have you brought me, Skip to the Point? This looks insane. 

E: i will take that as a compliment. I thought it might be a nice change of pace to actually pander to you and see if it turns out terrible. All the other Adventure Times seemed quite pleasing. 

B: The Art of Inverse Pandering, by Skip "i rode the minion bus" McEditorman. A Bottle of Beef publication if ever there were double digits of them. Let's read 'em and meep. 

Mm hmm, impossible to go wrong with Supertramp. Much better discography expansion than last Christmas's A Tonic for the Troops. We'll give it a well deserved retroactive mulligan. Starcastle, a very intriguing choice. I am excited about that one. I'm lost at sea with Looters and Marshall Crenshaw, but lurking in the midst is "A Giant Crab Comes Forth," and that's straight out of the I Don't Care What It Is, I Can't Not Buy It folder. You acquiring them might have to be the actual Adventure Time, but yeah, you're 5 for 5 this round, Skip the Formalities. Call me appreciably pandered. Bean footage, commence with the beautiful rolling already! No, i'm too freaking tired, and i already wasted the last bit of energy i had writing this massive 4-part introduction. Luckily, i've got my own personal 3 day weekend, so we'll tackle 'em tomorrow. G'night.

Supertramp