The Art of the Self-Titled Debut (Intro, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2)

The art of the self-titled debut 

Perhaps since the dawn of humanity, woman, man, child, possibly even door-to-door salesmen have sat with their chins in their palms thinking delicate thoughts of a complex nature. How do i collect a bunch of stuff together and present that collection as a coherent idea, a gestalt that can simultaneously bridge the gulf between strangers and forge a common revelry in telling those guys over there they suck? We'll tell the awesome guys they are awesome, of course, but it's the "you suck" part i'm trying to get a firm grasp upon. 

Ok, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, maybe it's just "how do i present a full synopsis of an idea in the form of a few small pieces of detritus i picked up and crammed in my pocket like a magpie or squirrel or something?" Anyway, long and fruitlessly the two-legged brain monster poked and prodded at his cerebral electrical fire, until one day it flashed into existence: 

AHA! I shall take it upon myself to codify the entirety of human existence in song, and collect these fragments of mouth-music into a metaphorical photo album of audio collage. I shall call it: Album. And the townsfolk rejoiced, for though they knew not what the crazy bearded man was talking about, they nevertheless understood the unease they felt at the thought of arguing with this clearly insane madman. 

Upon seeing the fear and awe in their faces, the creature, as if to prove that fear a wise reaction, raised his fists and proclaimed: 

I AM BOTTLE,  hear me talk about the interesting phenomenon of a band making their debut album. The thunder rolled, the lightening striked, they cancelled the rodeo scheduled for that evening and instead huddled around the communal record player to hear the lunatic Bottle pontificate upon the naming of the album after the naming of the band. 

B: hey, narrator dude, shut it. I got some 'splainin' to do....

Chapter 1 

A self aggrandizing wise man once said not all debut albums should be self-titled, but all self titled albums should be a band's first. Something like that, i'm too lazy to look at what i wrote two years ago. 

Is there any more coherent concept? I doubt it, "We are [band name], hear us act like lunatics for the next 40 minutes!" Maybe equally obvious, but certainly less interesting is the Greatest Hits album: "We are [band name], here are the songs you already like!" See? Much less interesting. 

It's not foolproof, though. What if you just realized it's your 4th album? Surely that means something different than your first. What if you changed your name because some slightly more famous Swedish guys threatened to kick your ass? Do you get a mulligan? Can you use it as an actual gimmick, or like a pre-quel in the middle of your career? There are some important structural considerations before you just dive head first into the empty swimming pool of your studio recording career. Gimme some time to think about it, then give me some more time to write down those thoughts. Meet back here in chapter 2 after i write it.

Chapter 2 

Runt, Van Halen, Weezer, Black Sabbath, The Doors, and those are just the top of everybody's list, even terrible bands do it. Sure, it's totally possible to interpret it as formulaic and passé, but that's an accumulative interpretation; it's your own fault for thinking "i've seen this a thousand times, you suck." You don't have to be that guy; that thought is as trite as the thing you think is trite. 

Instead, what we need is some codification. Real self-titled debuts, fake self-titled debuts, debuts that are only debuts because no one would publish the first 927 songs the band has been playing live for the last 12 years. Does it count if you use your real name? What if the band isn't actually real? What if you pulled a Baz Luhrmann and made a complete cover called Our Band's Their Band's Self Titled Debut? Deep stuff we're dealing with here. 

Post-modern Jedi mind tricks aside, the point is not to answer those questions and pronounce sentence in your bug-infested powdered wig as the Magistrate of Culture, the point is to let the album create those questions and ask its own as we endlessly trek through Mirkwood on our way to see the treasure hoard below Mt. Doom. 

If nothing else, it gives me a new reason to relisten to my own collection and an easy way for you to participate right along. C'mon, let's see what we see in the chapter of 3. 

Seriously, suggest a self-titled album and i'll queue it up to write about some night. Make sure i can actually go listen to it though, i still haven't found a way to get paid for doing this yet. Aw man, i just waded into the ask for money swamp all willy-nilly. Oh well, when you're roaming in Rome.... If you're a kind-hearted soul who likes reading, maybe send a number to paypal.me/pnmit. I guarantee we'll appreciate it.

Chapter 3