Tonic - Lemon Parade

Tonic sounds like an alternate universe where Pearl Jam and Live broke up and the 4 members who refused to move back in with their parents formed a new band. Or maybe if Molly's Yes had actually cracked the mainstream. If Alternative could have a Butt Rock contingent, Tonic would be that. "Nothing but Alt-Rock filler, it's a 12-way tie for 4th place!" That sounds like a negative criticism, but i don't mean it that way. I quite enjoy Lemon Parade, but even though Lemon Parade is an official Platinum Album, i also wouldn't call them essential. No one's going to act incredulous if you've never heard of Tonic. 

What's a more controversial way to say it? Ok, i know, Celtic Rock has a good side and a bad side. I don't know that Tonic ever thought of themselves as a Celtic Rock band, but their music has a very inauthentic Celtic Rock flavor profile, like "maple flavored" pancake syrup or "chocolate flavored" cupcake icing. Most critics just lump them under "post-grunge" and say "like it if you're predisposed, they technically don't suck at distorted guitar riffage." 

I don't think that's particularly fair, but even i can't pretend they're as exciting as Seven Mary Three. Better songs? Certainly. More fun? That's a negative, Ghost Rider. 

I'm waffling a bit, because in all actuality i like this album quite a lot, but many many things have happened in the world since the innocent age of 1996. For starters, there was no "internet" as we know it today. Fiber-optic technology was literally just coming into existence and even into the early 00s most people were still dialing in to ISPs. I didn't have broadband until like 2004. But anyway, it's round about 2002 where a thing happened. I absolutely don't suggest you learn about that thing, let's just say that if you were attempting to fondly remember that album from that 90s band, but all you could remember is that it had "lemon" in the title, it could hypothetically be really easy to think "lemon something... lemon party, maybe?" You're pretty safe now, today's internet will merely tell you what that was, not just load up the horrifying thing without warning. It's too late for me, though, it's a permanent Piercian Interpretant i can't unthink hiding in a brain cell i can't seem to destroy with any available household chemicals. That's one of the downsides of complete intellectual freedom, there are things you can't unsee so you just kind of have to take up bottle collecting and put one foot in front of the other. 

Needless to say, it's a bit tough for me to get past the title track 5, and i totally lose focus. Not Tonic's fault, let's bash our faces against the brick wall and tough it out... 

Meh, i can't. It's not bad at all, i just can't focus. Not because of the horrible thing you shouldn't look up that i mentioned, but because i'd rather listen to Candlebox. I don't know why. I really don't, all i hear is "why am i listening to this instead of Candlebox?" Who am i to argue, i guess that's what we'll do tomorrow? By all means check out Tonic's Lemon Parade. Parade, not any other type of festive social gathering, specifically PARADE.