Chapter 4 - The KLF - The Whote Room


Chapter 4 

Last night i think we were all a little surprised by how much Fastball rocked us. Today i have the nagging feeling The KLF was supposed to do that particular job. Did they? Too far back to remember, so instead of redecorating Chriscrosstopher Robbins' apothecary with suitably ominous black curtains, we'll instead go full THX-1138, drop some mandatory mood stabilizers and hang out in The White Room by The KLF. If none of that makes any sense, you can read more about it in my second book, Bottle of Beef: The Media Empore of Doom. Go ahead, we'll wait. 

Quick, while they're gone! Technically their last studio album, The White Room also features several of the 9,000 different versions of their most popular tracks, 3 AM Eternal probably being the only one any surface dwellers have ever heard. I know i'm not a huge Acid House aficionado, but i assume this will be a lot like Chemical Brothers, Daftpunk, Orbital, EMF, or any other 90s DJ-tronica outing. Sample heavy Hip-Hop/Alt-Pop Dance Music, probably a fair bit of early British Rap, and possibly a 3 day migraine after. As long as it's better than C&C Music Factory but a little less psychotic than The Prodigy i'll probably survive. Grab your glowsticks and baggie up those blotters, it's underground party time. 

What time is love? What sound is spandex? How is this make you feeling? Some questions we may never answer, but "what does KLF stand for" is one i think i can tackle. Kermit le Frog. No, i'm kidding, it's Kopyright Liberation Front, 'kause they used a lot of (probably unauthorized) samples and (definitely unauthorised) letter Ks. 

They also have a lot of kareer long inside jokes and mythos. The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu means something, like a cult or gang, or a fraternal organization like the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo, i don't know. I don't think you're actually supposed too put much thought into it, you're supposed to just pop in your pacifier and gyrate 'til you dry heave. 

If i'm making it not sound enjoyable, then i apologize. It is actually quite a lovely listening experience, and much more creative than the vapid workout playlist you might be expecting. Why'd that Scottish guy start Rod McKuening at the halfway mark? What's a "tack-o bar?" Does he mean "taco bar?" Are tacos standard Scottish pub food? Spinanunanumo? Step inside our skins? What the hell am i listening to? 

Look, i like it, and it's definitely an experience, but it's weird. I can't honestly say i've been rocked though. The KLF did not in fact rock me. They confused me a couple times for sure, but that's definitely not the same as rocking. They may be justified and ancient, and they are more than welcome to roam the land as far as i'm concerned, but don't expect me to join in the Mu Mu parade. I'll watch from the balcony if there's not much else happening, but that's about it. 

Well, as rehabilitation programs go, this mish mash up of House and Reggae and Light Soul was more weird than terrifying or painful. Fastball was much more my speed, and that's my final verdict. Now, let's go back across the underworld river for some on the surface Rock tomorrow.

Chapter 5

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