Jack White - Entering Heaven Alive

I'm a huge fan of coincidence. Some people call it luck, or fate, or a miracle, some people freak the hell out and hang witches from trees. I just giggle on the inside and savor the flavor of structural serendipity. 

Truth is there're millions of albums i could review. It's number 900, though. Obviously any analogy to a virgin reverse-nostalgizing not being one any more is off the table, but i'd still like whatever stress test we give said table for this umpteenth go-round to be special. 

I thought about waiting for the thing all the postal workers between Texas are here are fondling, but that might set off the "too much innuendo" alarm, so i needed another plan. Luckily, it's number 900 and i'm about to not go to work for 9 days, surely our old pal Target has a new album from some 00s Rock Star with a title that fulfills the setup i just wrote. Ask and ye shall receive, we're about to enter 9 days of staycation with my 900th review, Jack White's Entering Heaven Alive. Fear of the Dawn was pretty darned good, so i doubt he set out to have his own employees immediately press a lackluster, or worse premature, follow-up effort. Either way, that's enough coincidence to choke a WEEOOOWEEOOO NAAA NAAA NAAA... 

Damnit! Who put batteries back in that stupid thing. Remind me to understatedly threaten to defile their breakfast cereal, or something. I guess that's enough foreplay, we'll just wait a moment for the ringing in my ears to subside, maybe rehydrate and/or reposition, then see which end ends up. Probably Side A, but you never know 'til you do it. 

Hellooo, Nurse! Actually, i don't know if that's the proper interpretation. She could be a textile worker, or baker, or just a head kerchief aficionado. At least the cover is nowhere near as confusing as all those children taking a face-down dirt nap during what appears to be a field trip to a hill in the woods on the back of the jacket. He's only 5 years older than me, but no, i don't actually understand most of the things he does. I like listening to a lot of it though, so i'm not gonna worry about it too much. 

Oh, ok, well... Was that good for you? Nonono, that wasn't bad at all. Not what i'm accustomed to, or what i expected, or even really an experience i could imagine. Track 5 was definitely the Jack White we all expect, and the middle was a bit freaky, but the rest was a bit of a tough to describe adventure. 

If i had to describe the overall experience, it's like as if Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was an actual real-life band, and their 14th album was an acoustic country-blues diorama of complicated love ballads. And i'm gonna need some time to process that dismount, because it's actually a complete reworking of the first track from Fear of the Dawn with a jazz-country violin solo all over it. It's way too early to tell, and it's definitely not an "oh god, what did we just do," kind of thing, but i'm honestly not sure the whole thing is a complete lifestyle change i'm ready to wholeheartedly embrace just yet; like there will be a lot of things neither of us are saying while buttering toast tomorrow morning, and maybe that's ok, but maybe it's not, you know? Maybe taking you back, however gently, isn't the right thing for me. Don't do the sad puppy eyes, i don't mean i regret it, i just mean i don't know how i feel about how i experienced that experience, and i have blue hair dye in some rather strange places. I think we should leave it as a totally potential future again thing, but only if/when i initiate. Ok? Ok, good deal. Take care of yourself, because you're worth it.