Primus - Conspiranoid

I didn't review it at the time, and i honestly can't remember why, but i totally have a copy of Primus's Conspiranoid, and tonight's as good as any other night to give it a spin. 

Would you believe me if i said it's because i was waiting for a good context, and that hilarious story about Les Claypool auditioning for Metallica (72 Seasons being last night's album) certainly overqualifies? I wouldn't, i'm a totally unreliable narrator (it's 100% true, and now i guarantee you have no clue what to believe anymore). Bring on the insanity. 

Hold on, gotta find it in this unalphabetized mess. At least i know it's somewhere on the top shelf... 


...there we go. 


Hmmm, unopened, if i know me it's almost certainly a nasty little gremlin whispering "this will be worth a lot of money in a few years." Sometimes i make me wanna puke. Puke i did, guess we'll just hear it while watching someone else's copy spin on their table. 


It's only 3 songs, so i think we can dig pretty deep. First up is the 11+ minute Conspiranoia. 

Quirky intro like everyone should expect from Primus. Transition to almost sleazy funk punctuated by "space" noise. Chemtrails, Bill Gates, chicken pot pies, tinfoil hat, "conspiranoia!" 3 minutes in, and this is lovely. Marion Barry, cat urine in her eyes, dryer sheets, conspiranoia! 

5:47 guitar solo. Yay, Larry! 

But seriously, yes it's supposed to be funny, but what an amazing guitar/bass duet. Conspiranoia! Then some more space farts. 

Betty White was Barbara Bush's secret sister? Cow dung is anti-radiation? Superhuman Jews? 500,000 year old aliens prospectors, i knew Magaret Thatcher was an alien! The evidence is all there, Jewish space lasers, c'mon sheeple, open your eyes! 

So good, so so good, just a masterclass in lampooning sarcasm. On to side B for two more songs. 

Turning bullshit into butter, 'cause butter always pays. But seriously, who's the bigger fool? Is it the fool, or the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool? I need someone to tell me, i can't think for myself! 

Then the best, you think it's going to be a song about a girl named Erin (i totally know a girl named Erin, but dudes aren't beholden to the double-a version as far as i'm concerned), but it's just about erring on the side of caution. Is it an anti-mask song, or is it a pro-mask song, or is it literally just a song about how there are two kinds of people, those who do or don't err on the side of caution? We may never know, we can't think for ourselves, remember? Of course you don't.

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