Brandy's Box of Twenty Matches

Alrighty then, it's the head to head face off you never thought anyone in their right mind would orchestrate: Brandy's 1998 Never Say Never vs Matchbox Twenty's 2023 Where The Light Goes. Straight up, i have no idea what we might hope to learn about here, but i do have some presuppositions. 

Pretty sure Brandy is going to win, but i could be wrong. They both have some positives and negatives. Never Say Never is every bit a double album, and i expect Matchbox Twenty is still every bit the generically inoffensive vanilla Rock band they always were. Still teenage Brandy making her "mature" second album, but then 50-something year old Rob Thomas presumably singing like himself. Never Say Never has the amazing duet with Monica, Where The Light Goes has no songs i've ever heard. I guess if the ree-ul world ever stops hassling me we'll dive right in and give 'em both a listen. 

Yeah, just like i expected, Never Say Never is a great album. Sure it's longer than my attention span wants it to be, sure that first song seems to have the angel in disguise simile backward unless you twist through the 4th dimension and interpret it as angel in terms of the disguise she's wearing, sure Brandy's voice is surprisingly breathy and soft compared to most anyone, but the production is crazy eclectic and creative, there's a good balance of ballads and (comparative) bangers, nothing dumb or overly cliche, and she even makes that one Bryan Adams song not remind me of a certain Kevin Costner movie, so all in all A+. I don't think i need to do a deep structural analysis or anything, this is a fantastic Adult Contemporary style R&B album from beginning to guest rap by Ma$e to interlude to end. Some people might do a bit of an eyeroll at the "money doesn't solve your problems" subplot, but i find it quite reasonable given the overall theme of things not turning out the way you expect; that is the implicit concept, after all. 

So let's find out if it's true. Will Matchbox Twenty surprise me with a good album about places you can see when the sun's out? 

WHAT IN THE WHO WITH THE WOSSNAMES?! This is 2023 Matchbox Twenty? Feels more like 1987 Genesis or a Train album or something. I mean yes it's clearly Pop Rock, but like generic 80s Pop Rock. Definitely not what i was expecting, i was expecting some sort of Gen X relatability to shine through, but can i get over my shock and confusion and general "this is clearly not my thing and i hate it" -ness long enough to give it some objectification? I'll try. 

I think what's throwing me off is the backstory. You see, about 10 years ago they made their 4th album and were like "how about we don't make albums anymore?" So that's what they did, they just went back to being a band that enjoyed playing concerts for their fans, and everything was lovely. Then the pandemic and they were like "well crap, i guess since we can't tour for the foreseeable future, why not give making a new album a try?" I am absolutely confused as to how this is the album they made. That's not quite true, and i'll explain. I'm not at all confused that a band used it's quarantine time to make an album that ended up being exactly like this, i've reviewed at least half a dozen, i'm specifically confused that Matchbox Twenty made this one. It feels wrong, it feels like the opposite of what Rob Thomas should be singing right now, or maybe just the opposite of what Rob Thomas should be singing at all. 

There are bits and pieces of everything in here, but it mostly sounds like Phil Collins made a secret deep-fake Wallflowers album, and just when you wish Side A was over Rob breaks out the falsetto for absolutely no reason. Maybe i'm being unfair, but my ears are hearing a whole lot of "if Tears For Fears can make a contemporary Pop album, we can too." Thanks but no thanks, The Tipping Point is a phenomenal album that doesn't need friends to follow along.

But is it bad? No. I mean i don't like it, but i don't like the street party out in front of the Good Morning America studio vibe no matter who's trying to impress Al Roker that morning. 

Maybe i don't like Paul Doucette all that much? No, i don't think that's it, i don't like these Rob Thomas songs either. The Matchbox 20 in my head is all Rob Thomas and specifically Yourself Or Someone Like You. You might not actually remember how messed up the world depicted in that album is, and it makes this album sound like sitting in a rocking chair on the porch trying to remember how much more fun it was to actually be miserable via catchy Arena Pop anthems. I don't think this is a post-ironic album, but a song like Hang On Every Word with it's creepy "tell me more" vibe sure feels like it. 

What the hell is this Panic! At the Disco -esque Kyle Cook diatribe about the creep show of social media "experts" and crackpots? Best song on the record as far as i'm concerned, but it comes out of nowhere and the tone is completely different from the previous 9 tracks. Then it's like we're about to hear a Haddaway dance remix for No Other Love. Did no one notice Kyle's track actually makes the whole rest of the album feel exactly like what he's satirizing? Like seriously, it's an obvious mockery that readily attaches itself to the kind of altruistic certainty of Rob and Paul. 

And we end with "if you're selling faith then i'm buying right now." Honestly i feel like Kyle was the only one who actually understood the assignment.

Is this a bad album? No, not at all, at least if you know what you're comparing it to: Where The Light Goes is to Matchbox 20 as Scaled & Icy is to everything 21 Pilots did before that. Does this album understand me? No, not even remotely. Like i said, Kyle gets it, the other 3 not so much. If you do like what i'm going to have to now call Not-Alternative Rock from a once Alternative Rock band though, you could certainly do a whole lot worse and Kyle's out of nowhere sarcasm will totally harsh your vibe. 

So final answer, exactly like i suspected, Brandy's 1998 sophomore smash is infinitely preferable to this thing Matchbox Twenty released a couple months ago. Oh, oh, i see it now. [Palm smack to my forehead] yeah, i totally prefer these guys from back when their name had an actual number in it. Absolutely, Matchbox 20 and Matchbox Twenty are 2 completely different bands, and you will really be confused if you forget to differentiate.