Giant Crab

S: i'm sure i'll regret it, but what were your other favorite tv shows growing up? 

B: hmmm, i mean i liked all sorts of tv shows as a kid. I watched everything, age appropriate or not. From Sesame Street to Quincy. 

S: sure, but what would you say right now were you all time favorite? 

B: all time? Not contextual? Just favorite favorite? 

S: yes. 

B: in that case, i guess, Fraggle Rock, Danger Mouse, You Can't Do That On Television (that's the one where Alanis Morissette said she was going to be a famous musician some day), and The Adventure of Pete and Pete. Tons of runners up, though. 3-2-1 Contact (that's where Bloodhoung Gang got their name), Designing Women, The Golden Girls, Animaniacs, Wings, i even liked Full House and Family Matters, Fresh Prince of Bel-air, Welcome Back Kotter, Alf. I guess the top 4 are the top 4, though. 

S: interesting. 

B: As interesting as this thing Skip found with a giant crab on it? 

S: too early to tell. I have a sneaking suspicion it's going to be stupid. 

B: oh, yeah, totally. This thing obviously only exists because of LSD and Marijuana. I bet there's more spoken story line than actual music. This is the absolute fringe of Psychedelic Rock, made by drugs on drugs for drugs on other drugs because they ran out of normal drugs. If albums were movies i'd introduce this album with "you've seen Airplane!, Kentucky Fried Movie, Amazon Women On The Moon, Lobster Men From Mars, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, The Cars That Ate Paris (the Australian Town, not the Capital of France) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, every Troma Movie ever released, but i still don't think you're fully prepared to feast your earballs upon.... 

Ernie and the Emporers woke up one morning and decided to change their name to Giant Crab, I assume because drugs. Supposedly this is a mix of Psychedelic Rock and Blue Eyed Soul. Totally wackadoodle, so who cares? Let's just sit down in our thinking chair and drink this only mildly intoxicating rum and coke. Fun fact, i hate being drunk, so i really do keep it to the lightest possible simmer. Just enough to let my charming personality do the talking. 

Lydia Purple? The Eleanor Rigby knock off by the Collectors? Alrighty then, i guess we know exactly what we're in for. Imma be not so impressed if this turns out to be random crap and the giant crab does not in fact come forth. You all saw it, i was promised a giant crab. Don't make me go find that Harry Connick Jr. album about the space turtle for some sense of closure. 

Well, i've got bad news and good news. The bad news is that the songs aren't about a giant crab invading a suburban neighborhood and wreaking havoc. The good news is that this album didn't catapult Giant Crab to superstardom, so it's ironically apropos. The better news is that it really is a mish mash of great hippie-trip cacophonousness and 60s sunshine pop, like your parents keep poking their heads down the stairs to see if you and your friends need some water or pizza rolls, then they head back up and you go back to spazzing out on the floor and staring at the imaginary light show. 

So no, it's not exactly what i was expecting, but also no i don't feel any desire to hear the better of Harry Connick Jr.'s two funk albums (She was quite enough for this particular reluctant space cadet). As for listening to it, i'm not disappointed in the slightest. Traces of metallic butterflys, classic fab four adjacencies hiding behind every perceivable door, white guys attempting to woo their soul sisters, inviting your favorite local DJ to read all the song titles as a story about a giant crab invading Groovy Towne. Winner of the Bottle of Beef Most Bizarre Concept for a Debut Album award. It honestly does deserve the renewed interest and elevated resale value. My copy is down in the VG range 'cause it has been played a time or 30, but i'd sell it for $15 if you're just dying to pay too much. 

We should really dissect the Goldmine Grading system sometime. It's like a Masters level course in intellectual BS. Bottle's guide to record grading and pricing, i like it. Anywho, thanks for listening along to this bizarre adventure through the urban underground, say hi to the twinkle fairies for me. I'll brew a fresh batch of coffee for you in the morning after the acid wears off. Cheers.

BTBAM