Albums for Eternity with Bottle, the Curmudgeon

I can't lie, i have no idea how to review a 2021 Scottish Synthpop album, but Screen Violence by CHVCHES is really growing on me.

Last night we partied hard with Andrew W.K., but tonight we're partying even harder with Baltimore-based Economics Professor Unca John, because an album that sounds like a Pat Benatar/They Might Be Giants collaboration is a thing i very much need in my brain.  Midlife Crisis Vanity Project is so exactly my kind of humorous truth in advertising. Whaddya get? You get the amazing opener How The Hell?, sorry not sorry for making art, robots taking our jobs, the abject sadness of eating at Subway, fuck Republicans (my words), a reminder that your religion is YOURS not anybody else's, some songs about the lonliness of quarantine and lizard brain and that's the album. It's perfect. So perfect in fact that if you don't love it, you're almost certainly just a prick in a cult with a nonsense opinion. Doesn't matter how dumb that opinion is, only matters that you have a right to have it.  Yep, spectacular album. Definitely go check it out, i guarantee you'll enjoy ...

The only things i remember about Andrew W.K. are that he wears really dirty white jeans and t-shirts, and he likes to party. His 2002 debut album is called I Get Wet and even though i tried really hard to expunge that entire decade from my consciousness, and know full well that's slang for dipping your joint in PCP or Formaldehyde or whatever, i kind of have to take it literal. The critical angle is that it's big stupid Rock that's either your new favorite or least favorite thing in the world. I didn't expect it to be good, but it's freakin' good.  It's unabashed party rock with metal riffs, huge punk hooks, goofy synth melodies, and the most oddly lovable cheerfulness this side of the post-ironic double rainbow. It's the kind of cognitive dissonance you can only get from two heavyweight UFC fighters beating the crap out of each other for 15 minutes then hugging each other and smiling while they search for each others missing teeth like best friends. It...

My copy of The Fatalist by Buffalo Nichols arrived today, and i am absolutely speechless. His debut album was phenomenal, but this sophomore effort is jaw-droppingly amazing. Technically it doesn't release until this coming Friday the 15th, and you can go hear 3 of the 8 tracks on his bandcamp page, but i highly suggest you do yourself the immense favor of ordering this absolutely gorgeous record and enjoying the hell out of it like i am right now.

Speaking of wishing we could turn back time to the good old days, here's Blurryface, and he cares what you think. He's the literal embodiment of pretty much anything you could be insecure about, and he's a character from the world of 21 Pilots' 3rd, 4th, and 5th albums.  I'm not going to review it, you should just remember the future when you find out it's amazing. Plus it's a double album, so you know i'm not joking around. Blurryface is on your old pal Bottle's "don't not listen to this album" list, what more motivation could you possibly need?

I kinda hate to be that guy, but nobody was "highly awaiting" Billie Eilish's brother's debut solo album back in 2021, unless by "high" you mean actually high in a neurotoxiny kind of way, because this is a "Tire Fire 2020" album nobody needed.  Don't get me wrong, dude makes some killer beats, i just don't believe anyone was telling him he's Carole King level awesome and definitely needs to also be out in front of them. More like he couldn't get 20 random people in the studio to cough and sneeze on each other, so why not just make a whole album yourself? I could totally be wrong, but i did hedge my bets with a 3rd album i know i'll like. I'm trying to be fair, but it's hard when "Billie Eilish's brother" is an actual part of your marketing campaign. It's very, very similar to something like "wanna hear Lee McKinney from Born Of Osiris Sandlecore into your eardrums for an hour?" Nope, not even...

I was a good boy and i worked real hard 50+ feet up in the air cutting trees this weekend, so i think i deserve some albums. We'll space 'em out though. Tonight i just want to hear a classic album that's on everybody's "don't die before you hear this one" list. Tapestry by Carole King ought to do the trick.  M(ilton): i thought you hated Soft Rock.  You shut your stupid mouth, Milton. No imaginary (not my) friends allowed. I wasn't gonna bring it up, but you lost. I start making completely reasonable payments on my unrepayble student loan debt next month, and alls i gots to do is stay insolvent enough to counteract the capital gains tax upon throwing it in the dumpster when the time limit expires. Maybe i'll feel the earth move under my feet by winning the lottery, maybe you'll feel the sky tumbling down because you can't collect free interest on the interest anymore. Soft Rock or no, Carole King kicks ass.  Everybody and his/her brother kn...

Tomorrow is bandcamp friday, so i can't forget to send my buddy Steven Stark money so my bearded magnificence graces the page of his new fantastic album From Red Dirt To Red Planet , but today we ask the question "are they? Are they really?"  Granted, it obviously draws from the Columbia Records roster, but it's 1968/1969 and you're giving me Dion and Peaches And Herb? I mean, i guess if Rock is just snares on the back beat.  Side 3 is mislabeled, by the way, Percy Faith is sadly nowhere near this thing. Ok, let's just take it for what it is, a cheap Columbia Records compilation full of what we'd more reasonably call Oldies.  Sure, The Chambers Brothers qualifies as Rock. Leonard Cohen singing Suzanne, however, is not Rock. Lovely song, but not Rock, and no this record in no way merits a track 2 cooldown. All it does is forebode a bunch of SQUIRREL!  Sure, The Buckinghams qualify as Rock. 2 for 3.  Nope, Peaches And Herb is R&B, not R&R. Funny stor...