Weezer

Somebody sent me a super secret awesome thing today, and i'm so stoked.

I don't think i've ever said that phrase out loud before, but as soon as i formed the words Weezer's first album started playing in my head. Then, because my brain doesn't simply accept a thought, i started thinking we did The White Album, The Brown Album, The Black Album, so yeah The Blue Album. But then, there's STP's Purple. But that just leads to albums whose titles aren't on the actual album, so we have to include Pearl Jam's Vs. and we're right back six degrees of conflict with David Bacon, i mean Bowie (go ahead count 'em). But again, as last night's album taught us, you gotta keep 'em separated.

The Blue Album. I'm not ashamed to say i don't care about anything after it. From Pinkerton to last years' cover of Africa with Weird Al, i know exactly the song Hash Pipe. Give Rivers Cuomo (pictured here slightly left of center) his 20-million dollars and say "thank you" for me.

When i was quarantined with mono (of the Nucleosis Monos) [that's a dumb rhetorical joke that only i find humorous, but try as i might i couldn't find any way to reference Epstein-Barr, and believe me i tried] for what felt like 17 years (but was probably only 3 or 4 weeks) in 9th grade, i basically did only 3 things: eat rotini, drink Earl Grey tea, and listen to Weezer. Whew, that was more parenthetical that topical (like this whole essay).

This is another sing along because every song is head bobbingly amazing. This is like top ten in the history of recorded music. If you can't enjoy every single second of this album, you're an uncultured swine. I'm kidding (i'm not kidding).

As you can tell, either the ADD is working overtime, or there's not enough rum in this drink to shut the p(nmi)t up. I'm tired of being snarky old bottle, so moderately spastic p(nmi)t will have to suffice.

Did you know Rivers wanted to be a professional soccer player like his hero, Maurice Larcange. Sadly Rivers was a crummy accordion player, so he settled for playing power chords in a band like the rest of us plebes. That's a joke, i say, that's a joke, son, as my hero Foghorn Leghorn used to say.

I guess what i'm trying to tell you is i got an electric guitar, i play my stupid songs, i write these stupid words, and i love everyone. I've also got cheesecake, but you already knew that. Have a nice weekend playing with your imaginary friends. Mine are going to help me record a new piece of music. Oh no, I've said too much (i haven't said enough), but you have the listening schedule for the rest of the weekend. Feel free to get a head start.

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