Albums for Eternity with Bottle, the Curmudgeon

K, trash all the previous attempts at reviewing Dark Matter because I just simply don't know how to feel about a Pearl Jam album where Eddie Vedder pronounces all the words correctly.

I know what Beasts are, but what the hell is a Saunder Juriaans? Ooooh, he's a "film composer," so this is probably some type of singer-songwriter side quest or something. Makes total sense, unless I'm wrong. Ooooh, the lead off track, All Just Talkin' is like some generic Hipster Folk with seriously Björk-y orchestration and avant-noisy seque/outro. I can definitely dig it. Smoky Cabaret piano and chamber orchestra for A Different Shade Of The Same.  Hipster hand-clapping like we accidentally stepped into a Wes Anderson movie for Easy Now. Then some psych-rock fooling around before the truly haunting All The Kings Men. Will they put Humpty together again? On to side B to find out. That's not a joke, by the way, it's an album about a fractured personality trying to put the pieces back together after a long period of depression. It was released in 2020 though, so i'm gonna have to misquote Lloyd Bridges and say "looks like I picked the wrong year t

Well then, this was the Mondayest Monday I've had in a looong time. I don't know that Dokken can help much, but they certainly can't hurt. Critics absolutely can't make up their minds about any Dokken album, but I don't think anyone is going to argue that Dokken as a whole doesn't completely rock. Under Lock And Key is their 3rd album, and although Glam Metal is not the go to genre for real, proper Albums the way I prefer them, this one certainly isn't bad. The first power ballad is track 4, Slipping Away, and that gets backhanded across the face by the proper Heavy Metal side closer Lightning Strikes Again.  Now, in general I'm not partial to blaming women for failed relationships, but i'm willing to give It's Not Love the benefit of the doubt when it's contrasted by Jaded Heart. Yes, it's clearly established that our protagonist is some kind of love werewolf who just escaped his underground prison, but all he's really saying is &quo

I don't know about you, but i love Pat Benatar. Yes, that's also her debut album with the single most underrated song in the universe (My Clone Sleeps Alone) in the background, but that's just a generic non-self-titled debut album. We're jumping ahead to her 6th album, Seven The Hard Way, because that, ladies and gentle germs, is how you kalaidescope a concept. Not one, not two, not three, but 4 protien-packed layers to this metaphor. You don't really need to know the overly complicated rules of Craps to know that A) it's gambling, B) "the hard way" refers to rolling doubles, so good luck rolling two 3.5s, and C) you're going to lose, one way or another. It's a joke, but more importantly, it's Pat Benatar and the roll out is Sex As A Weapon, so the innuendo is not intended to be subtle. Wait wait wait, that's only 3, Bottle, where's 4? You're right, last but not least, side B opens with Seven Rooms of Gloom, a Holland-Dozier-Hol