Barbara Mandrell - Christmas At Our House

I thought i only had 13, but i just kept finding more. Luckily, i don't have a turntable that can play 78s. Unluckily, Barbara Mandrell is cued up and ready to play.

It burns! It burns! Make it stop!

It's no secret i'm a godless heathen, but jesus and i get along just fine. It's subtextually sexy Barbara Mandrell that gives me the heebie-jeebies. "Santa, Bring My Baby Home," "It Must Have Been the Misteltoe," bleurgh.

And then i got to "Born to Die." Pardon the pun, but sweet baby jesus, Shireen Saylor! "It must have broken god's heart/ For the future he could see./ Yet, he formed the hands and feet/ Knowing one day they'd be nailed to a tree." I thought the lyric "faces and numbers have rearranged" from Archie Jordan was unintentionally hilarious, but that's just hardcore.

I'm slightly concerned that Barbara thinks she's immortal because jesus knew he was dying for her personally, but at least her final sermon (medley) is lyrically coherent.

I still can't get over that weird Reba-esque intrusion on side a. Just, eww. Luckily, it's over, she didn't remind me what actual day Christmas is, and i've got another whole crate of music about drugs and motorcycles to wash away the aluminum aftertaste of this album's off-brand synthy gingerbread frosting.

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