Ten Years After - Cricklewood Green

Whether i intended to or not, i called Maureen McGovern a "wannabe." That idea didn't come out of thin air, though. I know how my brain works, and that entire frame of mind came from tonight's album.

It really shouldn't surprise you that i listen to so much more than i post about; i can't write about an album until i put it in a context box and shake it around a little (these posts are just as much about how i think/feel in the moment as they are the actual album). Sometimes it happens on first listen, sometimes a week or more later. Tonight's post about Ten Years After has been steeping in tepid water for about two weeks.


The cover of Cricklewood Green doesn't impart any knowledge to me. I stared at it for days and chose other things. Is it folk? Is it country? Blues? Pfffft, i don't know. Then i opened up the fold, and immediately thought "oh, they want to be the Doors." Keep in mind, i had no factual information about this band at all. I check wikipedia merely to verify that the information already in my head isn't completely back-assward. I still have very little biographical knowledge, because if i haven't even heard of a band then they weren't famous. That's immodest, i know, but i think i'm a pretty good litmus test on relative fame/obscurity (litmus test, acid rock, ya get it? Even i want to punch me in the face for that one.)

Let's listen to it in real time:

Spacey electronic sounds...domo arigato mr. roboto...very formulaic blues rock but not terrible...ok guitar solo...is this a feminist anthem?... 50 years, that's another funny coincidence... wankery outro solo, ok next song... yeah, delay is a tough one without metronomes and digital sync...skynyrd?...oooooh what a nasty weird note...definitely southern rock, next...whaaaa? Talking and hippy dippy nonsense and a harpsichord?...slight accelerando...still one more song on side a, if this outro solo ever ends... i zoned out, why is he mentioning planets? End already!...NOOOOOOO! YOU DON'T FADE BACK IN...[swearing ahead] What the ever loving fuck?! It's really that important to highlight how fast he can play an acoustic guitar? [End of side a].

Ok, a few things. They don't suck, but the process of assembling that side must have included more butt slapping and high fives than an entire MLB season. Someone, at some point, said the phrase "that'll really blow their minds." Doors wannabes is maybe too specific. I get the vibe that this is a "we're better than all of 'em" band. The songs aren't bad individually, but as a whole, to quote the horse from Ren and Stimpy, "no sir. I don't like it."

On to side b, i guess. Actual rockabilly blues, ok that's totally pretentious, but fine...the longer this drags on, the more concerned i get...why does every riff give me deja vu?...are the vocals from an overhead room mic?...the solo interlude is actually good on this one, though. I wish side a had been more like this...please no, not a ballad...yes, i'm here to judge and it very much matters what you do...no, it's not a bad song, but it's definitely not what i want to hear. What god awful surprise does the last track hold in store? Time to find out...bass and organ, oh joy the bolero build...yes, yes, we're insignificant to the universe, how insightful...and electronic nonsense. Too little, too late, it just sounds self congratulatory at this point. Like, oh yeah we freaked your mind, huh?

Now let's do some fact checking. Fourth album, 1970, always wanted to record at Olympic (the london studio "as important" as Abbey Road), named after Elvis's 1956 explosion. You're not weakening my trash talk, wikipedia. You're supposed to tell me i'm being hypercritical and non-objective. This band made a bad first impression on me, and i'd prefer to apologize rather than feel smug and say "i told you so."

I felt bad for not liking Maureen, but i'm dangerously close to saying "puke" and "douche" again. That's not fair. I'm supposed to defend them in spite of their derivative bandwagoning, not wait until we're traveling beside a deep gorge to "accidentally" nudge them off the cart.

No stars. A miserable experience. Hey everyone, smell THIS.

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