Greatest hits roulette.

In a dimly lit room, 3 fuzzy figures sit around a card table. A bare lightbulb pendulates slowly above them as the muffled conversation becomes more animated.

.... oh no, i'm not gonna pick one. I did Adventure Time, remember? Look where that got us!

...but i can't pick one, he always knows it was me, and won't criticize it at all. It's your turn, Marvin.

I just fix the typos. I'm not qualified to make creative decisions. Do the thing i taught you, Mr. Compiler.

With what?! He's chewing through albums so fast even i can't keep track of what he has or hasn't written about....

Oh, sorry...uh...read that all again, but this time imagine that the picture slowly comes into focus and we can see Skip, Sandra, and The Compiler arguing over stacks of records strewn about the table. Cinematography is hard work, and i'm not even sure i know why i'm doing it, or where here is, or who i am. I must be dreaming. Oh well, back to work.

Over there, that stack of records from the water damaged collection that aren't actually damaged. He definitely hasn't listened to any of those. Do it with your eyes closed so you have plausible deniability.

Hhhhhhh, fine:

Eenie meenie miney mecord

That's how we will choose a record.

From this slightly dingy stack

Will Bottle have a heart attack?

Skip told me to hurry up and just pick one and i guess if i must this one is it...

...are you sure this is a good idea? I don't know what it is i picked, but there's no way he's gonna like this.

Just then, Bottle appears at the door and belts out a greeting:

Hi, everybody! What are we listening to today? Reggae? Gregorian Chant in Pig Latin? 90s Yoga-pop? I could keep going on my list of favor...

Bottle is quickly interrupted by a resounding chorus of NO!s. After a brief pause in which the group sheepishly side-eyes each other, The Compiler slowly extends a cardboard platter with a face on his face that could only imply fear of an impending explosion. Meekly he says "here you go, boss." The whole group simultaneously inhales as they await their uncertain fate....

Elton John's Greatest Hits? That's an odd one. Any particular reason? 

"Totally random. Top of the stack......" Sandra hesitantly asserts.

Oh. Ok. Who doesn't like Elton John? You guys are acting weird, like it could have been something terrible like Anne Murray or Lee Greenwood. I mean, greatest hits albums aren't particularly exciting; it is the 2nd most boring concept, considering that's what almost every major label album is in the first place (scale of weeks or months as opposed to scale of years). You'd have to try really hard to mess up a bunch of songs everybody already liked in the form of dollar bills....

As Bottle walks out of the room, the group finally exhales in unison. Fade out. Fade back in to Bottle at his record player.

Alright. Sing us a song or 9, Mr. Piano man. Sorry, wrong short guy. Interesting fact, this record was manufactured in Portugal. Seriously, all the label specific writing is in Portugese. 

Let's check out the track list. 

Yep, that's every Elton John megahit i can think of. 

... several moments later...

Man, this actually sounds great. A little quieter than i expected, but completely lovely. I was almost expecting a K-Tel extravaganza of faulty equipment and not giving a shit, but this is great if you don't mind a huge dynamic range. I don't have the original mixes in my head to compare it to, but in terms of just leveling everything so it's listenable, this is perfectly fine. They even cut the volume a bit to compensate for Saturday...Fighting being waaaaay too hot for the innermost track of Face A. It still distorts right at the end, but that's just me picking my nose at it. Face B is a little rough on my copy, but here's a dirty little secret from one record collector to all of you. Brand new records can skip, some beautifully shiny pressings are complete crap because the dies wear out by the end of a run, nobody bothers to QC or adjust machine settings, and some plants aren't as picky about the quality of their raw pvc to being with. This one is much better than i expected, other than physical track placement. 

Like i said, who doesn't like Elton John? I don't know what the Beefettes were so worried about.