Chapter 11

Ok, Sandra, your turn. 

I don't want to. 

C'mon, every body gets a turn. Remember, we're trying to find a good reason for me to dislike it. Something i can hold up and say "you know what? Here. This thing just doesn't sit right with me." 

Hhhhhhhhh. Well, i just find it dull and pointless. I get that that's part of the whole thing, but i don't like it. It IS too simple, it IS a joke, he's not a genius, he was just a guy who was angry and depressed and enjoyed playing music and messing around with words. The fact that he's fully aware of it and suffering even worse from the corporate push to rake in a fortune from it makes me care even less, especially when everybody gets so adamant that he was some sort of messiah of mopyness. I'm sure that's out of character, but that's my reaction. 

Out of character? You were about to shiv Skip for slighting your boyfriend Brian Setzer two weeks ago. Out of character? Pffft, i say, pffft. 

Totally valid reaction. I don't have that reaction, but i understand it. You're comparing it to everything else in your head, like any one would do. I don't have to guess, you find The Pixies more enjoyable. So did Kurt. He loved the Carpenters, The Vasolines, Goth Rock, Bowie, hippie rock from the 60s and 70s. He just loved pop music. If he could have spent his time just playing covers he probably would have. 

We'll have to step outside the album for a bit, and get a wider perspective. Nevermind is the anachronism in Nirvana's discography. It's not supposed to be this unwieldy behemoth of culture clash. It's not supposed to be this quintuple platinum best seller everyone knows and loves. It's just that it was so raw and unapologetic, and so blatantly a self deprecating joke that all those guys who spend their days trying to capitalize on trends for big returns blinked a couple times and said "that i can sell. Ketchup popsicles my ass, i can play that for anyone and look them straight in the eyes and we'll both nod 'cause it will sell." All we have to do is get them to the show and wait for him to focus. 

Bleach is not commercial, it's garage metal about tv show characters and how dumb chilhood is. Nevermind is about how dumb being a teenager is. Incesticide is what he wanted to do instead of be famous. In Utero was designed to make the general public in love with Nirvana hate them. 

What does everyone say about the real life Kurt? He was an ardent feminist, he was sarcastic, and he was funny. He was also in a lot of pain, real or imaginary. He was just a person, and he wasn't necessarily fond of that person. His songs aren't some countercultural manifesto, it's just how he felt, screamed at the top of his lungs a little different every time he did it. 

So, back into the album. It's not special, it's weird that it's famous, it makes fun of itself, and that's the source of however you feel about it. I personally don't care about any of that, i like the way it sounds, and i like the way it makes me feel. I don't know why i feel that way, but i also know that i don't feel all those things other people say makes them dislike it. Something about it fascinates me, and i suspect that it's as simple as that i just get it. Not in a trendy way, or as some genius work of art, but just that need to get it out of my system whether it's good or bad or if anyone else cares. I think that's what's happening here, and i totally get it.

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