2) Sandra's Story Part 2

Do you hear it, dead C-scrolls? 

Hear what, Boss. 

I'm not the boss of anyone, Cease and desist. The heels of those Freebirds pacing back and forth across the floor of Sandra's office. 

Can i go with a no on that, B-man? 

You can, but they're deafening. 

You got a telltale heart or something? I don't hear anything. 

No, no, no. 1) i didn't do anything wrong, 2) even if i did i'd say "i'm sorry, it was not my intention to cause whatever problem this is, how would you like me to clean up my mess?", and 3) Sandra wouldn't pace about stuff like that, she'd eyebrow me 'til i squirmed or else just nip me in the bud permanently. No, she's contemplating, and that's pants-wettingly terrifying. 

If you say so. You did blab her backstory all over everywhere the other day. 

I made at least half that up. Not the Janet part, accidentally call her Janet and you'll lose at least one testicle. Chad made the mistake of using his useless superpower to replicate his lost lad after said serious fight and he, uh, briefly regretted it, if you catch my drift. No, this is something completely different, unexpected, impromptu. If i didn't know better, i'd say she's worried she stepped on your turf. 

Whaaa? 

Keep in mind i'm guessing, but i bet you she bought some records and she's trying to decide A) whether or not to even give them to me, and B) how to properly apologize to you. 

To me? What are you talking about? Why would i care? 

No, no, no, no. Classic mistake. It's not about you, C-spray, it's about getting it right in your brain. She's totally conflicted, 'cause frankly this is more fun than whatever she was planning to do out in the real world, but you're the compilation function and she has to justify it in her brain. I don't make the rules, i just point out how dumb they are. 

Kaaay. 

Oh, she's about 12 paces away, quick act natural. 

How? 

Knock, knock! Hi, C. Preemptively shut up, Bottle. C, I hope you don't mind, but i wanted to better appreciate what you do for us. I probably did a terrible job, and i probably went overboard, but i went record shopping today. 

Told you. 

I'm certain i said shut up, Bottle. How do you have the patience to sit there flipping through crate after crate like that? My brain started to fizzle and everything started to look the same after 5 minutes. Why don't people alphabetize anything?

Oh, that doesn't bother me so much. You get used to it, i guess. 

Well, i certainly have a better appreciation for Adventure Time now, but i don't think i did anywhere near as good a job as you. 

Thanks, Sandra. It's nice to be appreciated. 

You're quite welcome. Now Bottle, i have one request. 

Hmmm? 

Don't be nice about them just because i picked them out. 

When have i ever done that? 

Every time. Stop it. If it's bad just say it's bad. 

That sounds suspiciously like a bad idea. Look, i'm all for blatant honesty, but like you always say, you're not a Beefette. Your office is in another castle, and i have a tendency to fling cannonballs. 

I think i'd like to halfway change my mind. 

Well, then i'll be half honest about your album picks. Skip's a Beefette and he doesn't seem to feel conflicted at all. Even C-weed doesn't mind it, do ya? 

Yeah, no actually. Not at all. Beefette is a total improvement from whatever i was doing before this. It's all a bit fuzzy, really, but yeah definitely more fun in the bunker. 

Hhhhhhhhh. Ok. Am i stuck here forever? Do i have to sign anything? How does it work? 

Work? Contract? What are you, some kinda corporate narc? Nothing's different, except you're here. You don't have to be here, you just are. The only thing is you'll find it increasingly difficult to hide behind your own embarrassment. There might be a brief uncomfortable period where you have too many opinions, but you just talk yourself back out of the red zone before you 'splode. Plus, you wanna know a secret? 

What? 

You've been here the whole time, you just didn't want to admit it. And, i wasn't coddling your picks, that's all in your own head. Sometimes i don't know how to feel, so i reserve judgement. Now, let's see what kind of damage you brought me....

Part 3