Sting - Ten Summoner's Tales


Alright, what kind of demons is Alf trying to summon? Skip, you might wanna unpack that one for our friends.

Skip: sure, this one i get. So, yesterday you got antsy and sent Sandra's test covers out as finished pieces. You knew it was wrong, but your need to finish that project outweighed the potential consequences. You already established that eventually Sandra was going to kick you in the testicles as payback for all the friction created by actually joining our little crew, but that she had to have a good reason to actually do it and reset the karmic ledger, so to speak. Consequently, you're back to sitting with your chin in your palm contemplating what to do next, and that's a Sting album, right there. Not the Professional Wrestler, the musician. Gordon Sumner, Gordon Shumway, Ten Summoner's Tales. I think the testicle/tantric connection is happy coincidence. Did i miss anything?

Bottle: nope. Excellent explanation. I suppose i could add that we're dipping our toes into the wading pool of Mrs. Bottle's collection, but that has little bearing on the process itself. No agenda this time, just letting the man speak, or sing and play bass at the same time, whatever that means for you.

Yeah, you could say i'm skeptical about most everything, but there'd be nothing left if i didn't enjoy being me. Are the other 9 sappy love songs as well? Sure, but that's not bad at all. Whooo, that's some unexpected Tele twang on track two. Sting singing country is weird, but way more interesting than annoying. 

Now obviously The Police were a power trio, packed with that peculiar personality clash of big egos. Sting, Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland are all big time guys, just like The Doors, they were really just Cream, but this is a solo Sting sojourn about love and morality and the title is a pun on his name crossed with The Canterbury Tales character. Bowie released the first internet album, but the first thing ever properly purchased over the early internet was a copy of this CD in 1994. 

Believe it or not, i'm not up on my Chaucer, and though there is surely a copy up in my attic, i'm not going up there for the sake of a Sting album. No, what makes this album interesting is that this album isn't interesting at all. This is a perfectly lovely album of perfectly lovely pop songs, but when you add it all up you get the least interesting kind of album ever documented in Bottle's Taxonomy: Ladies, what's YOUR favorite Sting song? 

Ew.

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