Coldplay - Parachutes


Coldplay was super-famous, right? I'm not saying that as a joke, i just have this notion that  everyone but me knows about their entire career. I literally only remember Yellow. Butthole Surfers told us Jet Fighters never die, and i'm just gonna go ahead and say it's because their Parachutes worked properly. 

I do remember that they were hailed as the new Radiohead because tons of people detested Kid A and thew their copies out the window like my friend Stephen did. I honestly didn't know Post-Britpop was a genre. I do know Chris Martin grew sour on Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop and started not being a vegetarian after they separated. I have no interest in anyone's dietary proclivities (not by choice, but i've eaten quite a few animals on the list of things people think are off limits). 

Somber and slow music with happy-ish lyrics is a pretty solid recipe in my book, but none of this stuff is actually in my head. I do know the band actually thinks this album is complete crap, they actually say it's "bad music." I have a hard time calling any music bad, it's the ideas and motivations behind it that make for a happy or perturbed Bottle. I get to decide that, not you. Press play. 

First of all, that's a pretty gorgeous clean tone. Shiver is in 6/8, that's a breath of fresh air. Who honestly hates Chris's half crooner, half sensitive hipster voice? I don't. I like Spies a lot, which is weird because that siren wail is objectively annoying and my least favorite falsetto for no reason is on full display, but goodness gracious how pertinent is it right now? 

Wow, Yellow is way more Indie Noise than i remember. It'll get old pretty quick, but here in the middle of the album it a nice bit of a pick-me-up. 

One thing i will say is it feels a whole lot longer than it really is, it's a completely proper 42-minute LP. Mostly that's because the songs are slow. It also has a very distinct vibe: a black and white hipster montage, but very early weekend morning doing housework in your lonely apartment while it's about 40-degrees outside (4.4 repeating, if you're a Celsius aficionado). Maybe that's just me, but my brain says this isn't Summer night-time music. It sounds bleak. 

Op, i just realized I'm going to have to call myself out. I'm totally guilty of saying "you win, crowning achievement as a rookie, have fun with all that fame and success in your future, this is my stop." I've actually done that lots of times (Green Day, Megadeth, My Chemical Romance, Cake, Offspring, you name it), just never with a debut album, unless you count Godsmack. In my defense, i also said i don't think you have to be consistent in what you do or don't like. Head or tails, i guess. 

It also now occurs to me that this is a chemtrail album, and there are 4 or 5 more albums we could do next. Also, the obvious influence of OK Computer is ridiculously center stage, High Speed is the most blatant. No really, like plagiarism level obvious. That song is a total Abidas, Sunbucks, Michaelsoft Binbows. Still, haters gonna hate, but not me. This is a lovely album whether Coldplay likes it or not. Who cares what their opinion is?

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