Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon III: The Chosen

Hey Compy! Be a deer and headlight your way over to the middle of the concentric circles. The Jeneninator needs new ear-make-it-happeners. Oh yeah, trapped in a cave. I'm just not with it today, am i? Gotta get around to writing the undigging episode so i don't have to keep pulling out that "forget my own head next" cliche. Nope, nothing for it, guess i'll go do it myself. 

And we're targeting some sketch pads for the Marker-Mural Maniac. Spare the funiture, spoil the artist. 

Aforementioned noisy ear muffs with attached talky stick and a USB aglet, check. 

What's we got in the place you all know i'm really here to look in? A Kid Cudi Concept Contraption? Cool, 'cause the alternatives are neither noteworthy nor going for a ride in the Bottlemobile. I take that back, one noteworthy alternative is to pre-order the posthumous final album of Piano-Hop tracks from Shock G, but that's $100 double album pre-order. Let that sink in... yeah, no, above 35 ain't gonna happen. Now, it's been long enough since XXXTentacion was murdered that we can all reenact the "ew, as if" scene along with Alicia Silverstone, and finally you know, just random coincidence here, but the guys over at Target Corporate found this random Olivia Newton John album yous guys over in Fort Dodge can nonchalantly lean on a shelf if you want. No, no one will notice that it definitely wasn't already there before she died. That Bottle guy might snark on our soulessly shameful quest for that coincidental nostalgia dollar, but that's not gonna lose us any sleep.... 

[Multiple uneventful miles later] 

Hello, Bunker of Beef, Bottle's back ack ack ack. Man, that echo is wicked without all the imaginary minions to absorb the stray currents. I'll either have to add that to the "i'll do it eventually" checklist, or move out instead of moving up (a Billy Joel joke? You see what kinda delapidated infrastructure i'm dealing with here?). Sadly, everybody and their emotional support flamingo rafts are flapping about 9% inflation while gas prices go back down and i buy a different flavor of pasta sauce this time. Not enough mental energy is what i'm getting at. Whoever the poor sap is i'm freeloading off must be using more than normal to get through the day. Welp, Man On The Moon III: The Chosen isn't gonna tell you about itself itself, so i guess i'll have to do that too. 

What am i supposed to think? Acts 9 through 12 of a 3x4 moon matrix. This is what he did right after Kids See Ghosts, so some critics think the concept is weaker on this album than the previous 2. Welp, haven't heard either of 'em, so i have no basis for comparison. I like Kids See Ghosts a lot though. Should we take the "do i want to hear them" approach oach oach? Right, nice involuntary rhetorical question echo i got there. 

Nah, you know what? Let's just listen to it without pretense. What's it got to say? Roll that beaniful beut handage while i soak up the chair time. 

[Actual album review commences] 

Oof, hour-long double LP. Obviously i'd prefer only half that, but it is what it is. Danny Schwarz, whoever he is (doesn't matter that he wrote it in Rolling Stone when that magazine has been garbage for at least 2 decades and i still don't know who he is), says being an avatar for mental illness has never sounded so cliché (his acute, not mine). Before you accuse me of out of contexting him, that is the context of the sentence. Alphonse Pierre (again with the whosits), further clarifies lifeless hums and half-assed singing are said acuteless cliches. Dude, are saying you enjoy some of the full-assed singing we've all been subjected to lately? Is it good half-assed singing or half-assed half-assed singing? I demand clarification from my 3rd-hand wikipedia sources, and you're a half-sung ass from where i'm sitting. 

Enough of these intervening days, Kramden me to the moon so i can hang out with Alice, Mescudi. 

Dare you to tell me it isn't an awesome album cover. The cardboard is nowhere near thick enough to contain the vinyl inside, but that is definitely a trippy intro. Jacket garbage, content off to a good start. 

Scott Pilgrim "what if i want the satisfaction?" sample. Niiiice. 

Alright, i don't know what anybody could possibly hate about Act I: Return 2 Madness. And Act 2: The Rager, The Menace is freakin' amazing. Critics don't like the first half and say the second half is better? Hot damn, i'm either gonna love it or get Rick Rolled into my own journey through hell, 'cause this is really good. The production is the perfect amount of lofi and unstable. You're inside his head, not watching it. It's the relapse and the bad guy's back, no musical question about it. It definitely gets darker and more out of control from tracks 1 to 8. 

Look, honestly the brrrrat-tat-tats and mumble-humming and downer-drunken feeling are nowhere near as "hooooly shit" inducing as Kanye's on Kids See Ghosts, but this is clearly different. It's not supposed to be outrageous, it's supposed to be the believable slip back into the bad habits and mentality you thought you overcame last time. Absolutely. Obviously that's only half and we'll come back up the other side, but the first 2 acts are a totally solid downward tajectory. As far as i'm concerned, this is already a Kendrick comparable effort. I'm glad i didn't pick the Tyler the Creator album i didn't tell you i didn't pick earlier. Now to refill my drank and come back for acts 3 and 4.... 

... i've totally heard Sad People. No clue where. In an ad? Background of a random tiktok or youtube video? The car next to me at a stop light? No clue, but i'm positive i've heard this song before. 

Alright, let's cut to the chase, critics don't like the first half because it's Trap. Sure, you could say the second half contains much more recognizable Pop songs (albeit Psychedelic Hip-Hip), and Phoebe Bridgers, but that doesn't give you a pass on trying to avoid just saying you don't like Trap no matter how comparatively good it is. Conscious Trap? C'mon, it's fantastic. Look, if not being able to understand what they're mumbling is a thing you hate about rap today because that's a reasonable thing to not like all the time, then i've got great news! Kid Cudi clearly enunciates. If what you really hate is black people and sampling with hard bass and tweaker hihats though, then fuck off. 

But Bottle, i can hear the ghost of Milton's passed saying as though through a kazoo. It's the final album of a trilogy that ends with a whispered "to be coninued." Shut your stupid mouth, figment of Milton. Last i recall, i ended my trilogy of books with oh crap...a 4th book. I think i've made my point. 

Go check out the 3rd Moon Guy album by Scott Mescudi, it'll knock the quarters out all those demon hipster chicks, and possibly give you an extra life to refight Gideon with the newly earned power of your own self respect.