Albums for Eternity with Bottle, the Curmudgeon

So you know how two days ago we did Kill 'Em All and i brought back the "where's my apocalypse" joke? Well, here's the text I sent Mrs. Bottle today:  They palletized, banded, corner protected, and shrink wrapped a 1lb box with 3 check valves that were backordered from a stock order we haven't actually received yet, and sent it to us on a semi. I give up. I just give up.  Bloodrocute me. I'd rather be murmaidered. I would seriously prefer devolving back into sea creatures than deal with this for the rest of eternity. Forget pumping gas into trash bags, we're like Vikings who forgot our map, started to lose hope that we'd ever find the war we were heading out to fight, but are still too proud to take the map and directions that nice witch in the woods offered to give us.  Dethklok it is. The first Dethalbum. This first album is just Brendan Small, Gene Hoglan, and Emilie Autumn.  Before Metalocalypse, Brenden Small created the cartoon Home Movies (o

M: God what an awful racket. B: seriously, who the hell keeps inviting Milton? It's not GWAR, it's Metallica's first album. You know, i was just gonna let the lady pumping gas into a laundry basket meme go unmentioned, but yeah humans are the worst. Apocalypse now! The three horsemen and a lady one, not the Vietnam meets Heart of Darkness one that ultimately led to the leak of The Pentagon Papers, and Nixon's resignation. Admit it, Brando was overrated. You're not gonna believe me but this is like lullaby music for me. Seriously, i pop in this Thrash classic and all the stress just melts out of my shoulders and i get fuzzy and calm. Did Dave 1 write half of it? Sure sounds like it. Have the last 30 years of hard rock and metal solos just been a vain attempt to emulate Kirk Hammett's Swedish Chef impersonating Eddie Van Halen impression? Certy Bergenly. Is it chock full of poignant reminders of the fragile sacracy of life and the search for cosmic oneness? Hell n

Compy: bottlebottlebottle did you hear?! Dave 1 fired Dave 2. Bottle: so? Don't care. Compy: but he did a scandalous, naughty thing. Bottle: like everbody else, all the time, everywhere? I'm still sore in delicate places over a book cover, but you don't hear me whining. Did somebody file sexual harassment or assault charges? No? Don't care. Compy: but... Bottle: look, you got 3 possible scenarios. 1) Dave 1 said "i'm morally appalled and i don't want you around me anymore. 2) Dave 1 thought "which will be worse for the next few years, with or without Dave 2? With. Sorry, Dave, you're fired." Or 3) Dave 1 said "that's the last straw, Dave 2. I can't freakin' take it anymore. Get the hell out of here." Either way, my Megadeth ended with Hidden Treasures. This is between Dave and Dave, no lawsuits or criminal investigations, Bottle doesn't care. I've got a better story for tonight's album anyway... Important dist

Alright, what kind of demons is Alf trying to summon? Skip, you might wanna unpack that one for our friends. Skip: sure, this one i get. So, yesterday you got antsy and sent Sandra's test covers out as finished pieces. You knew it was wrong, but your need to finish that project outweighed the potential consequences. You already established that eventually Sandra was going to kick you in the testicles as payback for all the friction created by actually joining our little crew, but that she had to have a good reason to actually do it and reset the karmic ledger, so to speak. Consequently, you're back to sitting with your chin in your palm contemplating what to do next, and that's a Sting album, right there. Not the Professional Wrestler, the musician. Gordon Sumner, Gordon Shumway, Ten Summoner's Tales. I think the testicle/tantric connection is happy coincidence. Did i miss anything? Bottle: nope. Excellent explanation. I suppose i could add that we're dipping our to

 Slight alterations have been made to the cover of the first book. I like it. Gzzzzzzt! "What was that, Bottle?" "What was what?" Well, i wasn't exactly prepared for golf course on a spaceship, but it's hard to argue that's not exactly what i'm going to publish (shrug). Yay team. Gzzzzzzzt! "That! That sound that sounds like a bug zapper. What did you do?" "No idea what you're talking about, Sandra. Maybe you're just hearing the Auditors crash against the impenetrable forcefield that surrounds the imaginary version of reality." Bottle and Sandra locked eyes. Slowly, Sandra's right eyebrow raised to half mast, defcon 2, the thinking woman's dilemma. She probed at her bottom lip, then smacked around a bit as though she was tasting the smell of an idea. Bottle, seemingly nonplussed, scratched lightly at the upper ridge of his ear and squinted as though he was looking off into the distant horizon, contemplating probabl

It started as the tiniest of giggles.  Hhn. Hehe. Ha ha ha. It morphed into a string of gibberish, before evolving into a bladder straining belly laugh, and careening around the corner into Cacklesville at 200 miles per hour (startling 3 cows and a woodchuck, but otherwise causing no appreciable damage to the somewhat neglected 20th century infrastructure), and spontaneously burst into full flame-winged Phoenix flight. It ended with Sandra slamming her fists down on the desk and exclaiming "Gentlemen! I pity any fool who interrupts me from getting through Mr. T's birthday as quickly as possible so that i can enjoy the Noonish Moon Singles collection while finishing the cover art for our soon to corporealize books this evening." Bottle looked up and and said "is it Mr. T's birthday? Awesome, i love that guy. Pretty fond of that band as well. Have fun." And all was as well as it could possibly be. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_nYyNLtWlMQv7TZc2RvPYM

You can read the relevant law at the following link. https://www.legis.iowa.gov/legislation/BillBook?ga=89&ba=hf847 I am not saying that the intent is right or wrong, good or bad, i am simply trying to highlight that any supposed win for "liberty" comes at the equal expense of another's liberty. Whether you like it or not, this school funding bill rescinds the rights of private citizens and local, city, and business jurisdictions to mandate a relatively minor safety procedure, and instead consolidates that power to the level of the State. It amounts to taking away access to legal evaluation of citizens rights in a potential health emergency and instead declares that only the state can determine the maximum allowable safety precautions of private business. In championing any supposed "win," you have increased the legal authority of the state of Iowa, enacted new legally binding laws governing personal relationships between citizens in place of resolving these

Sandra: Bottle, can you please focus and review an album? Bottle: Why? So you can feel free from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils? Sandra: ......! Bottle: Eyebrows, lady, jeez! Alright, what am i to do with all this silence? Gather 'round the package, kiddos, it's the sophomore effort from A Perfect Circle. Glad i did that recovering critic episode a while back, here's where we go after the recovery process. Actually, the concept isn't specifically "recovery," it's being ready to recover. This is Maynard's attempt to get inside the various perspectives of "addiction" without first-hand experience. For further perspective, this is Tool's Lateralus period. You remember, having that talk with your Shadow, living the experience, sorting all the jigsaw puzzle pieces and assembling the framework, right? This is also the new band writing for the first time. Mer De Noms was Maynard singing over Billy's already finished music.

Skip: ok, Bottle. I've been here long enough. What are your actual political views?  Bottle: not applicable.  Skip: that can't be true. You have tons of opinions about everything. What do you actually think?  Bottle: what's the definition of "politics" today, Compy?  C: from Oxford Languages:  Politics (noun): the activities associated with the governance of a country or other area, especially the debate or conflict among individuals or parties having or hoping to achieve power.  Bottle: there you go. I neither have nor hope to achieve power, i don't govern anything except the conditions in my 3-foot radius of personal space, and i didn't ask to be born on this particular land mass. Yep, don't care.  Skip: you have to care.  Bottle: no, i don't. I guess i do have a rule, or a guiding principle, or whatever: if you kill me, i'll be dead. Does that count?  Skip: ......  Bottle: how about "i can think, or i can work, but i can't work whil

1) Bordiga is an absolute mess to try to actually understand, but his famous quote is quite pertinent: The hell of Capitalism is the Firm, not the fact that the Firm has a boss. There goes Bottle, quoting those evil Communists again.  2) No, no, no. I'm not quoting my hero Communism, i'm putting out an idea that i think most people don't really understand. In fact, a lot of you don't realize you actually agree, turn around and advocate for the complete opposite, then complain that things didn't go the way you thought they would. Did you know Orwell was an ardent Democratic Socialist? I bet you didn't. He also coined the absurdist term Tory Anarchist. The point is that  all the buzzwords are nonsense, he steadfastly despised Authoritarianism. So did Bordiga. Let's tackle it. What does it mean?: The hell of Capitalism is the Firm, not the fact that the Firm has a boss. Two lowercase nouns, two capitalized nouns, and 100+ years of psychotic people arguing that

Oh. My. Goodness.  The second Greta van Fleet album is so good. They said, ok being the new Led Zeppelin wasn't our goal at all, this time around we'll make an album about our experience touring the world. The rumors are true, there is some serious, hard-core poverty going on out there.  It would be easy to dismiss it as pandering (the lavish, textured packaging and full booklet are totally extravagant), but i reiterate my statement about the first album. These kids are so absolutely ridiculous that this simply cannot be anything but completely sincere. You couldn't fake this, no one could.  This is just an exquisite listen. Which makes me sad that The Score wasn't. Much as i'm enjoying this right now, as a physical record this is 10x better quality than the repress of Fugees, and no i'm not at all happy about it. Not because one album is better or more important than the other, but because they are both monumental sophomore albums that i paid 30+ dollars to own

One of my favorite things about The Score is that it puts you, the listener, in the actual album. You are standing there with them, hearing the conversation from all directions, they throw in those pop culture references for you to grin and nod at, you're in the movie they're making. It is a movie, it's intentionally the Tommy of hip-hop.  The first Fugees album was a flop. Strangely enough, Ruffhouse acted like that was their own fault and said here's 135k, you guys go make your own record and we'll see if it goes better before pulling the plug. So, they set up their own studio in uncle Jean's basement and proceeded to make what almost every critic considered the best hip-hop album of the entire 1990s. Me included, this thing is fantastic. Even less magnanimous critics were temporarily relieved that Dr. Dre didn't have anything to do with it. NWA/Death Row Dr. Dre, not Yo! MTV Raps with Ed Lover and Fab 5 Freddie Doctor Dré. I don't want you to be as co

Does Greta Van Fleet sound like Led Zeppelin? Do raccoons rummage through trash cans? Citadel sounded like Yes. Kansas made a Foreigner album. I legitimately couldn't tell if that new song Social Debris was Alice Cooper or Dave Mustaine until i looked it up earlier this afternoon. Josh has a super high voice, but it only resembles Robert Plant's in a superficial sense. I wouldn't confuse the two. In fact, i hear a whole lot more Budgie and The Who in their first album than anything else.  It's unapologetically 70s hard rock, and they didn't necessarily set out to be a rock band. I talked about this back with Chavelle, they're Hanson. The actual music is just what happened when these 3 brothers decided to be a band. They say it all starts out as folk songs from the futon, but I'm certainly not gonna be all "never make tired old blues rock again" like Julian Casablancas. I love this stuff. I just hope it's as wackadoodle as the sci-fi cover leads

B: Avast, there aqua C-foam green! You trying to sideswipe me?  C: what are you talking about? We were at that fancy fake french department store getting new input devices for Skip and you told me to run two aisles over and see if there was anything that resembled music worth paying full price. I grabbed two without thinking, like you like.  B: alright, then. It's Mother's Day, but i'm not your mom, so we'll just let the subconscious RHCP chemtrails float on the breeze.  C: what are you talking about?  B: ok, i'll spell it out this one time. Mother's Milk was Frusciante's first RHCP album, i reviewed Californication last night because i just happened to be editing the Station to Station review when that lyric from the title track compulsioned me into it like Bowie's freinds had to do to him, offhandedly mentioning Axl Rose in the process, every single one of those people hated the Corporate Marketing version of LA so much they tried to off themselves wit

Tonight, we tackle Californication. No, not the weird David Duchovny series, the Red Hot Chili Peppers album. Spoiler alert, it's Anthony Kiedis's version of The Fine Art of Surfacing. The Amateur Internet Interpretation squad does a fairly good job for a change, but only because the topics are well understood. See, AK uses a lot of oblique references in his lyrics, but we have a clear ledger of chronological happenings for comparison. Essentially, we know who and what he's talking about, so it's easy to play connect the dots. What people tend to forget is that this is RHCP version 4.0. If RHCP were a Linux flavor, this one would be called "Andy Albatross."  Right from the start, though, there's an interpretational trap, and a lot of people completely ignore the fact that the title actually has 2 meanings. First, the portmanteau is obvious: California + Fornication. Second, the suffix "-ication" tends to imply the process of becoming (scarificati

I'm exhausted. What a stupid week. It's times like this my brain sends up bizarre thoughts, like "get the python wrapper for jack audio server running on windows so you can use your midi controller to do bizarre things." So, i did. I guess if we're doing weird stuff i might as well mention that i've been ignoring Seventh Sojourn for ages. You see, i'm not a singer in a rock and roll band, and The Moody Blues are way more sappy pop-folk than i want them to be. Tonight though, it's pretty nice lullaby music. Interesting fact, it's their 8th album. Not much better at counting than Steppenwolf, but Octo-meander doesn't quite have the same mystical vibe to it. Actually, it's quite lovely, but it sure doesn't feel like 1972. It feels like mid-tier 60s pop, to be honest, but then again i do live in a land of make believe.  Regardless, i actually love the concept. It's  socio-political commentary, but capped off by that Steve Miller-esque s